Can It Get Any Worse?: Chapter 8

For reasons best left unsaid, the girls decided that wanted to stay on
Pokemon world for a while.  Ah, nevermind.  They wanted to make their
pokemon stronger and Ami was determined to discover how such creatures
could be so alike in reproductive and evolutionary manner, but so
totally different in physical appearance and varying intelligence.
What did this transalte into?  A very long stay in a little city named
Hickory, that's what.

Minako and Makoto, in order to fuel their desire to learn as much
about the creatures as possible, took jobs at the local pokemon
center.  They don't even have a freakin hospital for people, yet every
damned town has a pokemon center to heal pokemon who've been injured
in battles.  Usagi has gone off on a pokemon journey-yes, a pokemon
journey with her electric lamb to become champion of the Pokemon
League.  Rei and her rat, that flea bag evolved into the most hideous
wolf rat/beaver thing I've ever seen.

And me, what do I do all day?  I kick the ass of every pokemon I can.
I'm getting famous for it actually.  The Pokemon League(the entire
economy of this planet is based around pokemon) has even started
building a pokemon gym in Hickory for other humans to come to fight
against pokemon.  And my egg?  Three weeks and not so much as a crack.
I would have thrown it out as a dud weeks ago if Nurse Joy(they even
clone the same nurse to serve at every pokemon center) hadn't checked
it out and ok'ed it.

I walked into the bedroom that Ami and I shared in the town's boarding
house.  She was just wrapping up a conversation with Usagi on their
wrist radios.  She saw me come in and said,"Usagi is in the running
for Pokemon League Champion.  She's sending us tickets."

"Isn't that a little fast?  She's only been gone two weeks." Damnit,
if Makoto had never seen that stupid puppy, we would be home now.  I
should look at the bigger picture, like how we're safe from demon
attacks and crazed temporal mages here, but all these pokemon are
annoying.

"I don't think she sleeps very much.  That and a little magic,
probably, is how she managed to build up her pokemons' power so
quickly.  The preliminaries aren't for another month and I have an
invitation from Professor Oak to visit his laboratory.  Do you want to
go with me?  We can take our time and you can make a few appearances
at the other gyms along the way."

Weeks alone with Ami?  Sure, no problem."Yeah.  When do we leave?"
Maybe I would get to see what was in that egg.

"Tomorrow, if that's ok with you?"

****

"What's this?" I asked Ami as she handed me a black and silver
backpack.

"Professor Oak sent them.  They're called pokegear.  We can keep our
food and pokemon and stuff in them.  I bought us some pokeballs encase
we see something interesting along the way." Ingenious devices,
pokeballs.  They have a huge storage capacity and a pokemon kept
inside of one needed no food.  I plan on taking some back to Earth to
sale to the military.  Imagine, every soldier carrying a tank in his
pocket.  The prison system could definitely benefit.

"Cool."

We weren't bothered by many wild pokemon while walking through the
tall grass that the Pokemon League kept growing everywhere.  I have a
feeling that they were scared of me.  I let Ami and her Butterfree
named Sparkles handle those brave enough to attack us.  She really got
a kick out of the experience and I could literally feel, if barely, an
increase in the pokemon's power after every battle.

The first night we camped out at the base of a small mountain in the
middle of the forest.  Ami had caught a little ball of rock with arms
that she insisted I accept since my egg was such a late bloomer.

"It's small now," she assured me,"but they get big and strong.  Here,"
she said, flipping through her pokedex until she found the desired
picture."See, Geodude evolves into Graveller and Graveller evolves
into Golem."

It did look a little more impressive, if still not able to strike fear
in the hearts of men.  I read through the listed attacks of the
creature and decided I might as well go with the flow.  Ami healed it
from the beating Sparkles had given it and I stored it in a pokeball.

Ami made Sparkles go for an evening flight to stretch it's wings while
we made like wild pokemons.

****

"I admit that me and Slammer(I let Ami name my Geodude) get along
well, but there is no way I'm going to take that gimp fish." How such
a lame pokemon could survive when surrounded by so many that were so
much more powerful than it, I'll never know.

Ami sighed.  Slammer had caught this one.  She just seemed determined
that I should keep it.  She pulled out the pokedex and scanned through
it for a couple minutes."This is what that gimp fish will evolve into
after two more level gains."

The snake like dragon pokemon couldn't be the product of a Magicarp.
I flipped to the Gyarados' preevolutionary form.  It was a Magicarp.
How could it gain so much mass in the short time that pokemon
evolution takes?

"See the techniques," Ami pointed out."It learns some of the strongest
and it can be taught almost any technique from other pokemon." For
some reason Ami was determined that I had my own squad of powerful
attack pokemon.  I couldn't use them in a fight, not a serious one,
and I wasn't obsessed with them like Minako and Makoto.

"Okay, you convinced me." I'm seeing a disturbing pattern arising.

"Good.  It's getting late.  Do you want to camp out again or head on
into town?" I don't know if getting laid did it or if she was just
growing up, but Ami's confidence was steadily building, both in
dealing with me and the world in general.

"Camping's fine.  We can stop by the gym in the morning and I can show
how much better humans are than pokemon." That was my mission.
Pokemon held too much value and humans too little on this world.

****

Back on Earth, Genma was introducing his 'son' to the Tendo family.
Ryoga was taking the best way out of the situation that he could see.
He was unconscious.

"He's just tired," Genma said.  Underneath the table he was repeatedly
pinching the imposter.  He just wouldn't wake up.

"Oh, how you must have struggled to reach us at last," wailed Soun.
His old friend and the future heir of the combined Saotome-Tendo
schools of martial arts had been late.  He had endured constant anger
and mistreatment from his daughters because of his attempts to marry
one of them off.

While the two old men exchanged small talk, Nabiki caught her sisters'
attention and led them into the kitchen."That boy with Dad's friend is
not Ranma Saotome," she whispered to them.

"How do you know, Nabiki?" Akane was the most offended by her father's
stupid decision.  For weeks she had been stewing on the problem and
had decided to either disown her family or murder Ranma, if she was
chosen to marry him.

"I didn't want to any of us to be engaged to a psychopath, so I had
him checked out by a friend of mine at the Nerima Police Department.
Ranma Saotome, son of Genma and Nodoka Satome, looks nothing like that
weeny out there.  The man we're supposed to be engaged to is some kind
of government special agent with the Bureau of Intelligence."

"Then you mean that father's friend is trying to trick him?" Kasumi
wondered aloud.

"That could be." Nabiki nodded."Or Dad could be going along with this
whole scheme.  If Ranma is important enough to be a government agent,
he wouldn't have any problem convincing his father not to do something
stupid like force him to marry a girl against his will."

"Those sneaky, baka bastards!" Akane shouted.  There was no stopping
the girl now.  She charged into the parlor and grabbed Ryoga by the
scruff of his neck and started shaking him roughly.  Slowly, the boy
regained consciousness."I know you're not Ranma!"

Ryoga's eyes filled with panic and began darting from side to side
nervously."I don't know what your talk-" Genma didn't finish the
statement.  Akane tossed Ryoga into him, headfirst.

"Akane's right, Dad, the real Ranma Saotome doesn't even look like
this guy.  See." She held up a picture taken from Ranma's
dossier."That's the real Ranma."

"Saotome," Soun wailed,"are they telling the truth?!"

Genma had been edging towards the door, but a slight miscalculation
had brought him up against the wall instead.  He looked for any kind
of help, but Ryoga had passed out again and no one was looking very
sympathetic or pacifistic at the moment.

****

'And a newcomer to the world of pokemon competition, Usagi Tsuniko!'
the announcer shouted after introducing the girl's opponent.

Usagi waved to the screaming crowd, soaking up the attention.  Her
opponent across from the battle ring stood on his platform looking
impatient and annoyed.  He hadn't gotten so much as a clap from the
million people watching from within the enormous stadium.

'This battle will consist of three pokemon per trainer!  Trainers
ready?' Usagi and her opponent nodded.'Then let the battle begin!!!'

The entire stadium went dead quiet.  In the silence that followed,
Usagi shouted,"I choose you, Dandelion!" From the pokeball held in her
hand, a massive Venusaur materialized.

Pedro, almost simultaneously announced,"George, I choose you!" A
roaring Onix appeared.

In the front row, directly behind Usagi, Ami whispered,"Usagi's
Dandelion has a major type advantage over Pedro's George.  This match
should be a snap."

I nodded agreement.  Reluctantly, I had picked up a considerable
amount of info on pokemon from Ami, her pokedex, and our temporary
companion, Professor Oak.  I looked down towards the battle that was
about to begin.  I felt sorry for Dandelion.  What kind of stupid name
was Dandelion for a giant plant monster?

"Dandelion, use your razor leaf attack!" commanded Usagi.  From
Dandelion's leafy back, sprayed hundreds of stiff, razor sharp leafs.
George, that's another crappy name for such a huge pokemon, was too
slow to avoid the attack and had pebble sized chunks taken out of
almost every area of his rock body.

George wasn't totally defeated.  Pedro ordered,"George, dig under
Dandelion!" The giant rock snake dove into the air, only to come down
like a bullet, burrowing his way underground.  Dandelion began too
look for a place to avoid the incoming attack, but as the ground
started to shake beneath Usagi's pokemon it lost its footing and was
hit full force by George's explosive resurfacing.

Dandelion didn't look nearly as hurt as George, though, and when next
commanded to attack, its razor leafs sent the Onix into a dead faint.

The battles were pretty interesting, especially between the strong
pokemon that just stood back and shot energy attacks at one another.
Usagi won all of her battles for the day, working her way into the
semifinals.

****

"Aren't my pokemon just the best?" Usagi cheered.  Her pokemon really
were some of the better ones on the field, at least as far as I had
seen.

Along with Professor Oak and some family friends of his, including a
boy who was competing against Usagi, we all headed to the Indigo
Diner.  Usagi wanted to go there because the food was served by
pokemon.  I just wanted something to eat.  I think Ami was of my
thinking on this one.  The service and food was better than I had
hoped.

The boy with the Professor, Ash I think, had his Pikachu out and was
feeding it from the table.

"How's Pikachu doing, Ash?" asked Professor Oak.

"He's really excited about tomorrow.  We're going to win for sure!"

Usagi butted in,"Not if I have anything to say about it!"

I convinced Ami to sneak away with me before Usagi started up the
fireworks.  We discreetly said our farewells to the Professor and
Ash's mother before heading to the pokemon center/motel we were
rooming in.

We were discussing something about the benefits of missionary versus
doggie style when the watch uplink to my pokegear started beeping.  I
checked the indicator light.  About time that stupid egg decided to
hatch!

"Let's fly, Ranma!" Ami said."No one will see us as dark as it is."

I was more excited than I should have been, myself.  Flying cut the
trip down to less than a minute.  I opened the door just in time to
see the first large cracks appearing in the egg.  I sat down next to
it to watch, Ami holding my hand excitedly.  For several minutes the
egg didn't do much more than rock around and crack.  It should have
been a pile of dust with the number of fractures it was sporting, but
it somehow maintained its shape.

When it did open, the shell fell away into dust like I had been
expecting.  The pokemon 'expanded' once out of its egg, because it was
three times the size of the egg itself."What is it?" I asked Ami as I
picked up little bat-winged monstrosity.  It was about as high as my
knees and covered in short, course black fur.  From both of it hands
and feet extended inch long claws that had the irridescent property of
mother of pearl.  It looked like a little baby demon.

Ami's pokedex came up with a big fat blank space.  Looks like I have
myself a new kind of pokemon."What are you going to name it?" Gender
was another unknown.

I looked down at the little demonlike creature who was already asleep
in my arms."Demon, I think.  It has the look." I turned it so Ami
could get a better look at it, carefully so as not to wake it.  I hope
this thing grows up fast.  I don't like children much more than I like
getting struck by lightning.

"Professor Oak's computers can probably determine what type it'll be
and what would be best to feed it," Ami told me as I laid Demon on a
sofa cushion.  There's a thought.  What if demons are the pokemon of
my world?

****

Demon didn't stay in the cute phase for long.  By the end of the next
day he was as tall as my male form and had a fifteen foot wingspan.
Those little claws were six inch long knives now.  The Professor's
computer did indeed determine Demon's type.  He was a Dark/Fire type
pokemon and it calculated that pokemon high in fiber would be the best
meal it could eat for the next few weeks.  I didn't want to have the
local population of domestic pokemon wiped out, so Ami and I took it
out to a nearby forest with some of those tree pokemon and turned it
loose.

Truthfully, when it came back, Demon had grown over a foot.  Heh, this
joker was gonna be big.

****

Today was the last day of the League Championship.  I zapped Demon
into a pokeball and went to see Usagi compete.  Ash and his mom had
left earlier in the morning.  He hadn't taken his lose to Usagi all
that well.

'We're down to the final four trainers, ladies and gentlemen.' Like I
needed the announcer to tell me that when the giant tv screen had the
trainers' names and pictures on it.  I ignored the next few minutes of
cheering and drivel from the announcer.  Ami tugged on my arm to get
my attention and pointed to the arena.

Usagi was wearing a long, flowing dress of the same silver substance
created by her white magic back on Ranma World when she had claimed
Usagi City.  Her opponent was a grizzled old man who leaned heavily on
a gnarled wooded cane.

'Trainers, choose your strongest pokemon, for this will be a one match
battle!'

Usagi and the old guy messed around with their belts, choosing the one
pokemon they wished to use.

'Let the battle begin!!!'

"I choose you, Dragonite!" shouted old guy.  Dragonites look kinda
like Puff the magic dragon to me, so it's hard to take them seriously,
but they're supposed to pack some real power.

"Go Zapdos!" The bird that flew from Usagi's pokeball looked like it
was composed of chained lightning.

Ami was shocked."Usagi actually caught one of the legendary birds."
She shook her head in suprise.  These legendary birds must have been
famous or something, even though I'd never heard of them, because the
crowd went wild after a few moments of silence.

Usagi's electric bird didn't give the Dragonite much of a chance.  As
soon as the battle began, it unleashed a massive bolt of lightning at
its opponent.  It was an attack I would have been proud of.  Poor
Dragonite was still twitching as the team of fat little pokemon with
egg pouches carried it away on a stretcher.

"I'd better go feed Demon," I told Ami."I should have plenty of time
during intermission." I know that when in a pokeball a pokemon doesn't
get hungry, but Demon was still young and I didn't want to stunt its
growth.

****

Twelve feet tall, thirty foot wingspan, and foot long claws.  Demon is
going to live up to his name.  I got back to my seat just in time to
see an Onix get blasted by a geyser of water.  Even I know not to put
a rock pokemon up against a water one.  It was down to Usagi and a boy
named Jiro.

Once again I tuned out the announcer until the fight actually began.

Usagi sent out Dandelion and Jiro used a Charizard named Torch.  Ouch,
bad news for meatball head.

"Torch, let it have a taste of you fire blast attack!" Jiro commanded.
From Torch's mouth exploded the kanji symbol for fire, in the form of
a solid flame.  Dandelion used its tentacle things to pull itself
mostly out of the blast's path, but one side was badly singed and the
pokemon was crying out in pain.

Usagi cried out to her pokemon,"Dandelion, hang in there, I'll save
you!" I could feel the workings of a major white casting.  Usagi
raised her arms into the air.  Arcs of golden energy leapt from hand
to hand as Usagi chanted.  A deep groaning hum feeled the air as Usagi
pointed her hands, palms flattened, at Dandelion.  A beam of gold and
silver light shot from her hands and collided with Dandelion.  The
pokemon's wounds faded away in an instant and it was on its feet
roaring.

"Use your solarbeam!" Usagi called to it.

The giant flower on Dandelion's back opened up and pointed towards
Torch, who at Jiro's prompting had taken to the air in order to avoid
the beam.  The initial strike did miss, but Dandelion continued to
power the beam and scythed it through the air.  Torch couldn't
maneuver fast enough and was hit in the back by the laser.

When the Charizard struck the ground it didn't move, the only sign
that it still lived was the slow rise and fall of its barrel-like
chest.

'Incredible folks, absolutely incredible!  Never before have we seen
such Trainer to Pokemon interaction, but the question is, will the
judges disqualify Trainer Tsuniko for use of an unclaimed...pokemon
healing ability.'

Silence.

'Yes, the judges have ruled in favor of Trainer Tsuniko!  She is this
year's Pokemon League Champion!!!'

****

I still hadn't trained Demon not to eat other people's pokemon, so he
couldn't come to the party thrown in celebration of Usagi's victory.

The senshi of the day was glowing with pride and surrounded by her
pokemon whom she continuously petted or praised.  Minako and Makoto
managed to get off of work to be at the celebration and were having
their ears talked off by Usagi whenever she wasn't administering to
her menagerie.

Nature called and I was about to answer, when I passed close enough to
Usagi and her friends to hear some of their conversation.

"Can you believe it?  I wonder who the father is." That was Makoto.

"I thought that her and Ranma were together, you know, like Haruka and
Michiru," commented Usagi.

"Well obviously she isn't just a lesbian," Rei, with her super rat,
snapped.  Something was wrong.  Very very wrong."She couldn't be if
she's pregnant.

Pregnant.  Ami.  Pregnant.  OH SHIT!!!

I don't remember much after that, because thankfully I fainted.

****

Author's Notes: It seemed like it would be fun to see Ami and this
version of Ranma deal with parenthood.  They all leave PokeWorld next
chapter, too.  C&C welcome at dark_phoneix@hotmail.com