1977: "Do you think I should do it, Saotome?" Soun asked Genma. They sat at the edge of a cliff, legs dangling over the edge, watching the sun rise far to the east across the Kanto plain. Genma paused to straighten his glasses, then said, "Yes, you should." "I just keep wondering if I'm worthy of her." "Of course you are, Tendo. She couldn't do much better than you." "So when will you marry Nodoka?" "When I have something to offer her. While her family is not rich, I have little besides the clothing I'm wearing. Hino-sama has offered to help me out if I come and train under him for three years." Soun blinked. "Really? That's very nice of him." "After all we've been through with Happousai, I feel the need to...cleanse myself." He shuddered. "I pray he never escapes." "Hino-sama was sure the wards would be good for at least a hundred years. So, I'm sure we'll be fine." Soun tossed a rock over the edge. "So you'll be living with him?" "Yes, although Hino-sama has said we'll likely be doing some travelling. Apparently he has some special jobs he's been saving until he had a suitable martial artist to assist him." "Like cheating at Shogi?" "I do NOT cheat at Shogi," Genma said somewhat petulantly. "The pieces cheat of their own accord?" "Hrmph." "I will ask her when we return. And then we will be one step closer to the day we can unite our families." "Assuming Nodoka is willing to marry me in three years." He sounded just a little nervous with regard to that. "Getting her to wait will be the hard part," Soun said. "So, which one of us do you think will have a son first?" "I suspect you'll have a head start on that," Genma replied. "It will likely come down to my first daughter marrying your son, but I suppose we shall see." Soun got up. "We'd best get moving if we want to be out of the mountains before it starts raining tomorrow. Assuming the weather man was accurate." Genma knelt and looked down the cliff face at a cave a hundred feet down, sealed with rubble and spirit wards. "I think we should arrange to come out here every year and check this." "Alright. We'll do it on this day each year." They shook hands on it, then headed off towards the trail that would take them down the cliff to the lands far below. ***************** Children of Fire A Sailor Moon/Ranma Elseworld Chapter 11: When Fathers Attack http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/SMR/ By John Biles ***************** "We need a plan," Genma said to Grandpa as they sat in the living room watching Grandpa's favorite soap opera, 'As the Stomach Turns'. "I know. They're going to be showing COPS AND Rescue 911 at the same time next week, so I have to figure out which one to tape." Genma frowned. "About how to get Rei and Ranma together." "We need to come up with a way to get them on some dates without all those other women hanging around," Grandpa said thoughtfully. "It would be easier if you didn't let two of the rivals live with us," Genma said. "But then I would have to actually work instead of watching my soaps live," he replied. "The two Amazons are the best acolytes I've ever had, and Ukyou is a great cook." "If you don't mind eating okonomiyaki EVERY DAY." "That's why I've been trying to make her learn how to cook other things as well," Grandpa said. "Plus, they can't sneak around with him while they're under our nose. I'm surprised making them sleep in the same room hasn't worked yet." "Perhaps the fact that she makes Ranma sleep in girl form has something to do with it." "Hmm, I could tell her to stop that. But then she might start sleeping on the roof again." Genma two-fistedly snarfed a mountain of potato chips and thought while he crunched. "Ahah, I have a clever plan. How good are you at forging handwriting?" "My penmanship is exquisite." "But can you make it look like Ranma's handwriting?" "If I drink a pot of coffee at one sitting, I can probably make myself so unable to hold a pen straight it would pass as Ranma's." "Perfect. Now, this is what we need to do..." ************** Moonstone was supposed to be conducting gate experiments, but instead she was malingering and thinking about her family. Kasumi was coming along well in her training, and it was wonderful to finally have her daughter back. On the other hand, it seemed likely that it would be an uphill battle to bring her brother around. I wish I'd known he'd fallen under the influence of the Sailor Senshi, she thought. And her own niece was one of them, one of the monsters who had pulled down the Gemworld and laughed as everyone died. She could still see Serenity's laughing face cackling as the Gem Palace crumbled and the Red Death flooded over the city, a great red cloud that drank the blood of the living and slew all in its wake. It was all quite clear in the histories, how Serenity had demanded that each of the other Kingdoms bow to her or be destroyed, and how she had unleashed the Scourges to destroy them. The Gemworld had sought to unleash a counterstroke, to stop Serenity before all could be lost, but he had instead slain most and banished the rest with the Silver Crystal. Banished them to a barren wasteland. If they hadn't found Metallia, they would have all starved. Metallia had transformed and sustained them, but her own strength had been finally giving out when she, Moonstone, had found a way to open a gateway to Earth. Without it, within 20 years, Metallia would have died, the last energy source would have guttered out, and they would have sunk into cannibalism and extinction. Vampires, she thought. As if they didn't have to kill to live. We can actually live without killing, even if the more sloppy among us do sometimes endanger those they feed on. And since the alternative is death, what choice do most of us have? It will be different once we rule the Earth; those of us reborn on Earth will be able to live on food, and only the handful of exiles will have to drain energy to live, and we can set up some more methodical way to do it, she thought. But for now, it is a war for survival; we do what we must. We must strengthen Metallia and awaken her fully before the Senshi recover the secret of unleashing the Scourges and send them against us again. For if they come again at the command of Serenity's heir, we shall all surely perish. But how can I convince my brother of that? I have no evidence he hasn't already decided to reject. If I kidnap him, he will never believe me, and he'll never come to peruse our archives of his own free will. Not now. I shouldn't have panicked and run and tried to force him to come with me. I just felt sick at the utter self-righteousness of a murdering Sailor Senshi, she thought. As if people who commited genocide can tell me I'm more evil than them. How could my brother possibly be the father of an evil spore like that? How could my sweet little niece be such a hideous thing reborn? That bothered her most; she would have never imagined little Ami growing up to be a reborn mass- murderer. But I suppose Hitler was probably a cute little boy at age six too, she thought. It nagged at her anyway. The only theory she could think of was that the reborn Serenity (who had to be hiding out there somewhere...if she could arrange for everyone else slain there to be reborn, she could arrange her own rebirth) had forced the souls of her followers into bodies rightly occupied by other souls. The very thought of the possibility made Moonstone ill. Not that what some of the generals had done was much better. She could understand their bitterness and disregard for others after everything they'd been through, but she knew there had been many cases of people drained dangerously near to the point of death in the energy collection operations. That bothered her as well. Why risk murder, especially when anyone in the city COULD be an innocent Gemworlder reborn on Earth? Enough malingering, she thought. I must get back to my work. But the thoughts would not quite go away, and her productivity was low. ************** 'Meet me at Bobson's Ice Cream at five so we can go out on a date. Tell no one, not even Shampoo. Ranma,' the note read. Usagi had found it pinned to her shirt when she woke up. This made her quite excited. "What's that?" Shampoo asked as she woke up and saw Usagi reading it. Usagi ate it. "Nothing." Shampoo scratched her head, shrugged, stood, and stretched. "Shampoo not pry. Is it Shampoo's turn to make breakfast?" "Yes, I think," Usagi said. "Waffles for everyone, then," Shampoo said, heading inside. **************** Rei no longer needed an alarm clock, since Mr. Saotome barging in and tossing Ranma-chan out the window usually woke her up much more effectively. She was surprised to find a note pinned to her pillow, and she saw a second one go fluttering into the air from Ranma-chan's hands as her father hefted and tossed her. She quickly read the note on her pillow as Mr. Saotome leaped out the window after his daughter. 'Meet me at Crown Cafe at Five so we can go out on a date. Tell no one. Ranma,' it read. Her eyes widened. He wants to...Hmm, this could be tricky, she thought. I'll have to take a change of clothing to school without Ukyou noticing. And catch a bus home instead of riding with them. As usual, she went over to move Ranma-chan's futon out of the middle of the floor, and the note caught her eye. 'Meet me at Crown Cafe at Five so we can go out on a date. Tell no one. Rei,' it read. She frowned. Very funny, Grandpa, she thought. I bet everyone got notes which will send them all over creation. Her conscience warred with her desire to have some time with Ranma to herself. I shouldn't let them manipulate everyone...but it would be nice to be able to just hang out with him without my...rivals, she thought. Ugh, why would you want to..., Eowyn began. Shut up, she thought at her past self. Well, if Eowyn thinks it's a bad idea, it must be a good one, she concluded. HEY!, Eowyn thought indignantly. I'm not some total fool whose advice is only useful as what to avoid! You can't think straight about Ranma, she replied. Yes, I think I'll go along with this, but I think I'm also going to have to make sure he doesn't pull a stunt like this again. Hmmm.... *************** Ranma wondered why most of the women in the house kept winking at him during breakfast, but quickly decided his life was too short to spend time worrying about it. He was more concerned over his father having decided to continue their sparring matches despite his broken arm. "You sure you're up to me beating you down before your arm heals?" he asked between bites of waffles. "Boy, I could bite off this arm and still beat you," Genma said, then demonstrated he could certainly eat at a high speed with only one arm. "If you say so, Pop," Ranma said, deciding not to press the point. *************** "So, where are we going on our date?" Setsuna asked Ranma at lunch. "Huh?" Ranma replied. "You two are going out tonight? You should be doing homework on a school night," Ami said. "Oh come on, it doesn't hurt to have a little fun," Naru said. "So you two ARE dating," Umino said, popping up from behind a bush. "I'll add you to my 'hot couples of Juuban High' list." Scribble, scribble, scribble. "We ain't no hot couple!" Ranma shouted. "I ain't dating nobody!" Setsuna looked crushed. "But...you left me a note on my front door and..." "Dumping her, eh? Easy come, easy go," Umino said. "Well, if I wasn't seeing someone, I'd have to swoop in and take her." "You're dating someone?" Naru asked dubiously. "We have our second date this Friday," Umino said. "Akiko is a genius; I really like her." Ranma said to Setsuna, "I didn't leave no note on your door. I don't go around leaving notes that people might miss, if I can help it." "But the handwriting was so bad, it had to be yours," she said. He frowned. "Gee, thanks." "But who else would have done it?" "I dunno." "Well, I already brought a dress with me and everything... wanna go out anyway?" Hmm, someone wanted to meet me, but I never did get to finish reading their note, he thought. Well, it'll make Setsuna feel better. "I ain't got no money with me, but..." "No problem. I can pay," Setsuna said. "Cool with me, then." ************** "Neither of you is going home?" Haruka asked. "I have to go do some shopping," they both said, then blinked and looked at each other. "Okay, I'll drop you off downtown," she said, then smiled evilly. "Not sneaking off for a date with each other, are you?" They both turned red. "No!" "Practicing to be Tweedledee and Tweedledum?" "No!" "Got a hot date with someone and don't want anyone to know about it?" "Yes! I mean No!" With that, they both turned and looked at each other suspiciously. Haruka grinned. "And with the same person, I bet. This should be fun." *********** Ami sat on the porch with Ryo, playing chess, while the little black pig, who Ami had named Ptolmey (but whom everyone else in the house just called P-chan) sat on the table and watched them. "He seems so intelligent sometimes," Ami said. "Perhaps he's a hyper-intelligent mutant pig," Ryo said. "Probably not, though." He reached for a piece and P-chan snarled at him. "You trying to give me a hint?" he asked P- chan, who fell silent. "This could be a challenge, playing two people at once," Ami said, smiling. Ryo thought for a minute, then reached out toward a pawn. "How about this one?" P-chan shook his head. "The Queen, then." He moved his Queen across the board, only to have Ami take it. "I guess we won't be showcasing a chess playing pig any time soon, then," Ryo said. Ami laughed. "Want some lemonade?" "Yeah, that'd be great." She got up and went inside, and P-chan started snarling at Ryo. "Man, you seriously don't like me," Ryo said. "What'd I ever do to you?" Maybe he knows I had bacon with breakfast, Ryo thought. "You mad because you got named after someone who's been discredited and dead for a long time?" Ami came back out with two glasses and a pitcher. "How much do you want?" "A full glass," he said. "So where's Kasumi? I haven't seen her in a while." Ami frowned, then nervously said, "She's gone to see relatives." "Oh." I wonder why she's so jumpy about it. "We still on for Friday?" Ami nodded. "I hope so, although I might have to cancel if I get too busy." "Okay. Well, your move. Try to be merciful." "Actually, it's yours." He thought a moment, then moved a bishop to take one of her knights, only to lose it to a rook, but then one of his pawns took the rook. "It worked!" Her queen slid across the board through the hole made by the pawn's movement. "Check." P-chan snickered. "Maybe it is hyper-intelligent...and just wants me to lose," Ryo muttered. ************* Few people had ever seen wine come out of Tourmaline's nose or seen her spew from shock. But today was an exception as she did both. "You WHAT?" she asked her father. "Oh, the Saotome boy is the son of an old friend of mine. We once promised our families would be united. It's nice to see you'll be able to keep that promise." "But...I don't want to marry him!" "Well, I'm sure you'll come to love him in time. And if he's as good as his father, he would make a good recruit for the Queen. You'd best keep Amethyst away from him, though." "But I...I don't even know how to go about it." "Hmm. You'd best ask your mother; I've never been good at romance." Ahh yes, my mother the research scientist. There's a fountain of romance, Tourmaline thought. Why couldn't it be Kunou or Mamoru? Now those two are my kind of guy. And somewhat less taken, too. Hmm, now how to cull the herd... ************* Ikuko-neko wasn't entirely sure why she was out roaming around the neighborhood, other than being bored. Luna had been supposed to come over and work with them on cat magic, but she hadn't shown up. Kenji had decided to take a nap, Shingo was playing with Shampoo, and Ikuko had gone on the prowl. She rounded a corner and bumped heads with a white cat who bore a yellow crescent moon upon his brow. "Kenji, what are you doing here?" "Luna! I finally found you!" he said. "No, it's me, Ikuko," she replied. He blinked. "You're not Luna?" "Don't you...who are you?" she asked. "I'm Artemis. I didn't think there were any of us left but me and Luna!" he said excitedly. "So there's more of us?" "I'm a human turned into a Moon Cat by a cursed pool," she said. "Along with my husband and son. So you're a friend of Luna?" "Yeah," he said. "You know where she is?" "Has she found any of the Sailors?" "Yes. My daughter is one of them," Ikuko said. Artemis blinked. "Which one was reborn as a cat?" "She's the daughter who stayed dry," Ikuko said. "Sailor Moon." "Has she found the Moon Princess yet? I was supposed to find Sailor Venus and awaken the Senshi, but I haven't been able to track down ANY of them." "My daughter probably is the Princess, or so she told me." "That's great. Once she has the Silver Crystal, she should be able to turn you back to normal. I guess they haven't found it yet?" "Not yet." "Well, take me with you; I feel like some company." "Follow me." ************* Luna sneezed. It's cold in here, she thought. Then she remembered she had been supposed to go over to the temple. Well, I'd best stay here and help guard Ami's father, she thought. And it's too far to walk. He was on the phone, talking to Ami's mother. "No, Ryoko, this isn't one of my dreams. She really came and took Kasumi." After a short pause, he continued. "Look, can you just come over here tonight?" After another pause, he said, "Tell them your brain is full. Please. For Ami's sake." Luna couldn't hear what Ryoko said, but it sounded sharp. "No, I can't talk about it over the phone. Please. You have to come. Just this once." Pause. "Thank you. I'll see you at seven." He hung up the phone and sat down. "I just wish we had some proof." "Kasumi's gone, and she'll know Ami wouldn't lie to her." "I hope so. This could get ugly." ************* Nephrite sat on the roof and watched the little redheaded girl play with her big fat blue cat despite his best efforts to take a nap. This child is very energetic, he thought. Can't possibly be Sloth, but the stars seem to think otherwise. And how am I supposed to awaken Sloth, anyway...trying to get a small child to be lazy is practically impossible. The first two were easy, but this one...well, I'll watch a while longer. Perhaps something will come to me. The girl waved a mouse on a string in front of the cat and laughed as he batted at it, frequently missing. "C'mon, Rhett, catch the mousie!" "Scarlet, stop tormenting the poor cat," a dark haired woman said from the back door. "I think he wants a nap." "But mommie, I'm bored!" "Why don't you go play with Linda?" "Her name's Shiiko, Mommy." "Whatever. I need to feed Rhett, anyway." The kid got up and wandered off, so Nephrite followed her. Perhaps watching her with her friend would provide some sort of clue. ************* Genma and Grandpa sat in one corner of the Crown Cafe, clad in trench coats, bowler hats, and sunglasses. It being early summer, this meant they were both sweating like pigs. The waitress, a cheery redhead said, "Are you sure you're not too hot in those outfits?" "I'm fine. More iced lemonade, heavy on the ice," Grandpa said. "I'll have another frozen coke," Genma said. "But I'm not hot." "Uh huh," she said. They both glanced at the door. "Waiting for someone?" she asked. "No," Grandpa said. "Yes. I mean, no. I mean...we're just enjoying the day." Whatever, she thought, heading to get their orders. "They're late," Grandpa said. "Kids are like that." Two kids in skating outfits came in and sat down three booths down. Genma looked the woman up and down; she was statuesque with auburn hair and a skating outfit that left little to the imagination, while he was tall, thin and handsome, with a costume just as tight. Grandpa poked him. "Don't stare, she's half your age." "They're ice skating in mid-summer?" "There's several year-round rinks. And they're fairly famous in Tokyo--the legendary Golden Pair." Rei came in, and Grandpa's eyes flared wide open. She was wearing a loose red skirt that went down only to mid- thigh, and her red and yellow floral top was unbuttoned, revealing a similarly printed bikini top. She had a yellow rose tucked over one ear and wore a yellow coral bead necklace and knee-high red boots. "She...she...I didn't even know she owned an outfit like that," Grandpa muttered. "It'll set Ranma on fire," Genma said. "Why is the waitress taking so long to deliver my iced coke?" The answer was that the waitress had gone over to the Golden Pair's table and was busy fawning on the male half of the duo. He kissed her and signed an autograph just as Haruka walked in, dressed in her racing uniform and looking fairly male. He walked over to them. "Hmm, does everyone get a kiss with their autograph?" The man snorted at him. "I don't kiss men, since they won't count towards my oath." "Oath?" Haruka asked. "He's sworn an oath to kiss a thousand women," the auburn-haired skater said. "Which he didn't bother to tell me about before we started this partnership." "Ahh, but yours were among the hardest won lips of my career," Mikado said. "Which makes them all the sweeter, Makoto-chan." "Well, can I get a kiss from you if I ask you for an autograph?" Haruka said to Makoto. Rei looked about and began to zoom in on the Golden Pair, much to Grandpa's horror. "We have to do something," he whispered to Genma. "Maybe she's trying to make Ranma jealous," Genma whispered back. "When he's not here?" Makoto glanced over at Mikado and grinned. "Certainly." She stood up and kissed Haruka solidly on the lips, then signed her name on Haruka's hand with her pen. "I'll give you a better autograph when you have some paper." There was an audible crack, which drew the eyes of most of those present. Mikado was now holding a broken chopstick. "You kissed my partner!" he announced loudly. "I see you aren't blind," Haruka said, right as Rei came up along side her. "Ahh, I see my girlfriend has arrived." "What?" Rei asked in surprise. "Hey, Rei, this guy's sworn to kiss a thousand women, and he's mad because I kissed his skating partner, right after he kissed a waitress he just met. Is he a plain slut, a worthless slut, or a total slut?" "I am not a SLUT!" Mikado shouted. "You just put your tongue in anything with breasts," Haruka said good-naturedly. "Ye...NO!!!!" Makoto laughed. "He kissed the dog-girl at the circus." "I did NOT!" Mikado went over to the attack. "What do you see in this ugly blond?" he asked Rei. "Wouldn't you rather be with a real man?" Steam began to come out of Makoto's ears. "Mikado..." Rei started to say something, only to find herself swept into Mikado's arms, her face close to his. Her heart began to pound. While she would normally have never kissed the man, he was handsome, and his proximity was beginning to trigger her hormones. Her brain fried, and for crucial seconds, she could do nothing but stare. Then an iced coke dribbled down Mikado's face, breaking the mood. Haruka stood, holding the glass and frowning. "The lady is QUITE taken," she said, pulling Rei loose from his grip. "And it looks like the great skater doesn't handle the ice so well off the rink." Mikado stared at Haruka in anger while Makoto tried not to giggle too hard. "You...you have insulted my honor!" "What honor?" "Enough! I challenge you to a skating match! Paired combat skating! The winner gets the lips of the loser's lady!" "Hey!" Rei said. Makoto simply looked thoughtful. "You're on! This Friday at the Juuban Rink!" Haruka said. "So be it," Mikado said, then turned to the waitress. "Paper towels, please." "Yes, sir!" Haruka and Rei went over to a table. Rei said, "What the hell did you think you were doing?" "He needed to be taken down a notch. Besides, I can outskate anyone. Plus, the bastard tried to kiss you against your will." Her voice grew more intense. "I hate that sort of thing." She relaxed again. "Plus, you looked so hot, I was hoping for a kiss as a reward." Rei blushed. "Are you..." "Yep." "Shameless too." "Double yep. I wonder if your old man and Ranma's dad are gonna think we're here on a date." "Where are they?" "The fools in the trenchcoats in the corner." Rei looked towards the door. "Ranma's late." "If they got your note wrong..." Rei frowned. "I knew I forgot something. There was no way to talk to Ranma without risking the others finding out, anyway." "Too bad. We could have had a threesome," Haruka said, grinning. "You're incorrigible." "I try." She waved at the waitress. "Service, please!" The waitress, however, was busy cleaning Mikado up. "Hmm, I'm surprised Ukyou hasn't come in by now, since she followed me following you," Haruka said. "So, were you planning to seduce Ranma, or just yank his chain?" Rei blushed. "I figured Grandpa would follow us, so I thought I'd flirt with someone just to yank his chain." "So that's why you were headed to Mikado's table?" She nodded. "You could flirt with me." "But you're a..." "That'll really drive them crazy," Haruka said, grinning wider. She turned to the waitress. "If you're done rubbing up the customers, do you think we could get a little service? Or are you gonna dry him with..." Rei muffled her mouth. "Let's not start a riot," Rei said. "Awww." "No riot." "You're no fun." She looked over at Genma's table. "I think they're going to overheat soon." "Well, maybe we'd best go say hi so they don't have to hide and sweat to death. Especially since they're both injured," Rei said. She looked thoughtful. "Okay, we will tell them we're on a date." Haruka grinned and took Rei's hand. "Lead on, my lady." They went over to the red-faced elder duo. "Grandpa, you're going to melt if you don't take that off," Rei said. "I'm fine, but you shouldn't address someone you don't know that intimately," Grandpa said, trying to bluff. "Since I don't know you." "I don't know you either, Rei," Genma said. "Then you won't mind if we kiss," Haruka said. "Let's show them how we really feel," she said. "You shouldn't cheat on your fiancee!" Grandpa snapped. "Oh, I thought you didn't know me," Rei said. "I can tell from your...hair color," Grandpa said. "I can tell you're her grandfather from your lack of hair," Haruka said. "But if you're not her grandfather, you can't tell us not to go to a love hotel. Let's go, Rei." She spun on one heel and started off with Rei. "NO!!!!!!" Genma shouted, leaping at Haruka, only to slip in the puddle formed by his own sweat. *Whack!* Rei pulled her own hair. "You want to further hurt yourself too, Grandpa?" Grandpa pulled off his disguise. "Genma, you fool! You said this would work!" They began exchanging recriminations as Haruka wondered where Ukyou had wandered off to. ************* Ukyou slapped herself. I should have just trusted Ranma would show up and let them go off to do whatever, she thought. Instead, I probably missed him here. She sighed and leaned against a garbage can. "These high heels hurt," she muttered, wobbling a bit. "And where is Ranma?" "Ukyou-sama! YOU CAME!" The garbage can sprouted a head she didn't want to see. "Let's go catch a movie!" She tried to knock him into orbit, only to suddenly realize she was mega-spatulaless. He glomped onto her, and she kicked him loose. "No! Go away, Tsubasa!" He began to roll down the steeply sloped hill. "Uh oh." She watched him roll until he faded from sight, then sighed. C'mon, Ranchan, you'd better show up. *************** Zoicite popped up next to Kunzite, who was studying a map. "Well, I've discovered one of Nephrite's weaknesses." "What's that?" Kunzite asked with interest. "He's a pedophile." "..." "He's been watching this little kid all day." "Perhaps she's the next Shadow." "An eight year old who plays with cats and braindead blonde kids is the next Shadow?" "Perhaps one of the plants in the yard was the next Shadow. Perhaps Sloth has been reborn as a yam," Kunzite said dryly. "Did you check them all?" "Good idea! I'll get right on it." Zoicite raised a hand to teleport, but Kunzite grabbed it. "Wait. Are you sure he didn't see you?" "Of course he didn't see me." "Be careful. He may have been doing that deliberately to lead you down a false alley." "I'll be careful, but I'm sure he didn't see me." *************** Emerald appeared on the roof next to Nephrite, who was becoming more bored than he had ever thought possible. "Zoicite has been spying on you, sir." "She has?" "He has." "As I said. I see your suggestion was a good one. Very simple. You will take my appearance and I will take yours. Then you will do something flashy to attract their attention. I leave it to your discretion." "I can't possibly fight both of them!" "Not fight them. Just draw them away from our true targets. I'm sure that fool Zoicite doesn't even understand why I'm watching these children. In fact, I'm not sure why at times, as this seems increasingly a fool's quest. But we shall see." There was a flash and he took on Emerald's form. She took on Nephrite's form. "Doesn't it bother you, changing sex like that?" "It's no different from changing one's clothing; the body is but clothing and tools for the mind to wield. Male or female, it makes no difference if the mind is keen. Now go forth and give confusion to our enemies." Nephrite paused a moment. "Get Bauxite and Graphite to accompany you; that will make them think we're up to something big." "Hmmm." Emerald stared down at the children. "I have an idea. Will do, Nephrite." And then Emerald was gone. "I will teach that youma to use my title if it kills both of us," Nephrite muttered. *************** Usagi was beginning to wonder if Youma had attacked Ranma or something; he was over a half-hour late. Maybe I misread the note, she thought. The waitress, a friendly girl with short, straight auburn hair, came up to her. "Your friend still isn't here?" Usagi sighed. "Nope." Naru walked in with Naoko. "This place is really...Usagi?" Usagi looked up. "Hi, Naru-chan!" The pair came over. "What are you doing here alone?" Naru asked. "I tried calling the temple, but Shampoo said you were on a date with Ranma." Usagi's eyes widened. "She did?" "I guess not, though, since he isn't here. Or is he in the bathroom?" She sighed. "He didn't show up!" "That wasn't very nice of him," Naru said. "Well, we can all have some ice-cream and drown our sorrows." "I know just the thing for someone who's been dumped," the waitress said. "I call it 'Sugar Onslaught'." "Sounds perfect to me," Usagi said, sighing. *************** "You sure this is a good idea?" Ranma asked Setsuna. "I mean, it's summer." "Oh, ice skating is fun year round," she said as she buckled on her skates. They stepped out on the ice, and Setsuna quickly began to skate forward. "See, the ice is just..." Ranma was sprawled out on the ice, face down. "...something new to you?" "You could say that," he muttered, staggering to his feet. Holding onto the rim of the rink, he began to skate slowly. "I can do anything athletic if I just put my mind to it." Setsuna came skating up to him, and paralleled him. "If I hold your hand, we can move away from the wall." "I'm fine," he said. They circled half the rink before he fell down. An eight year old helped him up, then said, "Want some help, mister? I know how to skate really good." "Thanks," he said, "But I have a friend to help me." He sighed and took Setsuna's hand. She smiled. "Thanks for helping Ranma, Nonohara-chan," Setsuna said to the little carrot-topped girl. "You can call me Yumeko, oneechan," she said, smiling, then skated off. "How'd you know her name?" Ranma asked as they moved out onto the floor. "It was pinned to her shirt," Setsuna replied, speeding up slightly. "So you've never skated?" "Pop and I never had money for such things," Ranma said. "But it doesn't seem so hard now." "It'll come back to you," she said. "Ruby wasn't a great skater, but he was reasonably experienced." He pursed his lips, and she decided that was the wrong tack to take. "So, what did you do for fun?" "Soccer. A lot of shogi, but he cheats like a mad dog. Go. Races. I did baseball one year at Blue Sky; it was a lot of fun. Ryouga was the pitcher; he's good at throwing stuff." He relaxed and began telling baseball anecdotes. An hour later, they were still skating hand in hand, but now they were doing much fancier stuff, including several spins which Setsuna enjoyed. He's a better athlete than Ruby was, Setsuna thought. Finally, he broke away from her to pull off a few tricky single moves, including a double axel. She applauded. It's coming back to him faster than I expected, she thought. He came back around and grinned at her, grabbing her hand. "This is great!" They zoomed along together. "Too bad we have no one to race with," Setsuna said. "Yeah. Maybe we can get a bigger group next time," he said. "I guess we'd better stop; I have a lot of homework to do." She sighed, but so did she. "Okay." They went over, got off the rink, and took off their rented skates, returning them. To her surprise and delight, he took her hand. They walked hand in hand all the way to her house, discussing various homework assignments. Finally, at her door, he said, "I've got to go home now." "We could do our homework together." "I don't have it with me, and it's getting late." She sighed and let go of his hand reluctantly. "Okay." He leaned forward and kissed her on the lips. "Good night, Setsuna." Her eyes widened, and she wanted to say something, but was afraid to break the spell. "Good night, Ranma." He walked off whistling, and she watched him go. Should I run after him or let him go? He kissed me and didn't even mention Ruby might have had anything to do with it. After a little thought, she decided to not push her luck. ************ Ryoko stared at her daughter. "You...how did you do that?" Sailor Mercury said, "Magic. I'd show off my power, but I'd wreck the living room. Ahh, let's go in the backyard." A fog-laden demonstration later, Ryoko said, "This isn't another one of your jokes, is it, Souichiro?" "You never fell for any of them," he replied. "The one with the smoke machine and the fire alarm actually did fool me," she said. "But it was also the stupidest of them, given the whole dorm ended up outside in freezing rain." She turned to her daughter. "So Michiko is now Moonstone? And works for...a queen from another dimension? And took Kasumi?" "Yes," Mercury said. "She tried to take Father too, but I managed to save him." "Does the fact that Genma now turns into a panda when wet figure into this?" Souichiro stared at Ryoko. "He turns into a panda? When he gets wet?" "You can believe this but not that?" "He and Soun were close; perhaps he could talk some sense into him," Souichiro said thoughtfully. "Perhaps," Ryoko said. "Perhaps not. After all, you couldn't persuade your own sister." "She's been brainwashed," Mercury said firmly. "Maybe. People can change in ten years," Ryoko said. "My sister would never willingly become a...a...an energy vampire!" "Few can resist the temptations of power," Ryoko said. "You wouldn't do it, would you, mother?" Mercury asked. "I'd like to hope not, but...Of course, it's possible that she is only working for them to keep her family safe. Although the fact that they all seem free to come and go counts against that theory." "Brainwashing," Souichiro said firmly. "Perhaps. But I wouldn't count on it." She turned to her daughter. "Are you sure you're ready to fight something like this?" "I have to," Mercury said. "It's my duty, and they need me." Ryoko frowned, but nodded. "Then do your best. And I will be thinking about what I can do about this. Probably not much, but..." Mercury came over and hugged her mother. "Thank you." "Be careful," Ryoko said. "I will," Mercury replied. "And I'll protect both of you." Luna came in. "Is there supposed to be smoke coming out of the oven?" "DINNER!" Souichiro shouted running towards the kitchen. Mercury laughed and ran after him. "I'll take care of it!" One use for my powers I never anticipated, she thought. ************ Ranma didn't fully realize he'd kissed Setsuna until he returned home and found Ukyou, Rei, and Usagi standing at the top of the stairs looking at him like he needed to catch fire, fall over, and sink into the swamp. Oh great, they already found out, he thought. Or more likely, whoever tricked Setsuna into thinking I'd left her a note tricked them too. "Lemme guess, you each found a note saying I wanted to meet you somewhere?" Ukyou and Usagi nodded. Rei said, "Grandpa and Mr. Saotome did it." Ukyou and Usagi turned to her. "You didn't say that before!" "I was waiting for Ranma to get here. So we can plan something to get even with them for messing with us." Usagi grinned in an abnormally evil way. "I have just the idea." ************* Usagi came up to Ranma as he was about to go into the bathroom. "No," he said. She laughed. "Am I that predictable?" "Yes." "Actually, I've already taken my bath. I just wanted to ask you...did Rei kiss you the other day?" Ranma's nerves began jangling out a symphony of twitchiness. "Umm...well...yes." She darted forward and quickly kissed him on the lips while he stood and stared in shock. "There. Now we're all even." "..." "Have fun taking a bath!" she said, turning and running away quickly. "..." ************* "Nice to meet you, Artemis," Usagi said, petting him. He purred, then said, "So Luna is staying with Sailor Mercury." "Yes," Usagi replied, sitting down. Her mother climbed into her lap while her legs dangled off the porch. Her father was sprawled out beside her, and her brother was getting some milk down at the far end of the porch. "So, do you know how to assume a human form?" She asked hopefully. "I can remember how to make sure clothing changes with you, but not quite how to assume human form." Artemis said. "It wasn't something I did often, being such a handsome cat." And certainly not vain at all, Ikuko-neko thought. "Let us know if you remember." "Of course." Artemis stretched. "Well, I'm going to take a nap, so I'll be up to trekking off tomorrow to see Luna and to ask if Mercury can find Venus with her computer." "I can take you over there tomorrow, if you want," Usagi volunteered. "Thanks. I'd appreciate it," he said. ************* "So, I have a combat skating match against a professional skater. I can skate, but not very well, and..." Rei sighed. "Well, Setsuna and I can help you," Ranma-chan said. "She skates pretty well, and I know about fighting." "Thanks," Rei said. "We don't have much time to learn." "We'll just have to make the most of it. From what you told me, I suspect his partner won't be trying too hard to win." "True." She looked thoughtful. "Haruka really wants to win this match," she hinted. "You hinting she's gay?" "Uh...yeah." "I didn't need a hint to know that," Ranma-chan said. "She kisses pretty damn good." Rei's eyes widened. "What?" "I never realized my girl body could even get horny until the love potion disaster," Ranma-chan mused. "It's weird, my girl body finds her attractive, but when I'm a guy, I feel like she's a guy. I mean, I can feel myself getting a little hot right now, just thinking about...why are you staring at me...oh." "If you and Haruka get engaged," Rei began. "Naah, Haruka isn't looking for marriage right now, just some fun. And I don't think we could ever date, 'cause I'd rather stay a guy most of the time, but I wouldn't mind..." Shut up mouth, he told his mouth. It obeyed. "You wouldn't mind...?" Rei asked ominously. "So how far did you and Usagi and Naru get?" Ranma- chan asked. "We got each other's tops off and I started kissing Usagi's left breast and..." Rei stopped herself, turning red and feeling mildly aroused at the memory. "But I didn't want to!" "Uh huh." "I didn't!" "You didn't like it at all?" "I did like it, but it was the magic making me like it!" "So you wouldn't like it if a girl kissed you?" "No!" "Not any girl at all?" Stop lying, Eowyn said to Rei. Shut up, Eowyn! Rei shouted back. Fervently, she said, "I wouldn't like it if any girl at all kissed me!" "Well, I like girls with both my bodies," Ranma-chan said. "Which proves I'm really a guy even when I'm a girl." "It just proves you're a fool!" Rei exclaimed. "It means you're gay when you turn female!" "Yeah, but it's the good kind." "The good kind?" "Lesbians are fine; it's gay guys who are creepy." "You think lesbians are fine?" Rei asked. "Yeah. I mean, technically, I'm a man in a lesbian's body right now," Ranma-chan said. "It's a relief, really; I was worried I'd start liking guys, but now I know I like women in both my bodies, which is how I want it to be." "So it wouldn't bother you if say...Shampoo and Ukyou started dating." Ranma-chan blinked. "Shampoo has a thing for Ukyou?" "I'm just being theoretical." "More power to them, but I don't think they'd make a good couple." "It really doesn't bug you at all?" "I had to do some thinking about it after Haruka and I had our encounter, and I decided it's okay." "But why aren't gay men okay, then?" "It's disgusting as hell, and creepy. Not to mention, every time I think about gay men, I'm gonna remember Gosunkugi and Ken in those outfits..." She shuddered. "You could probably turn gay guys straight just by showing them those two like that." "I suspect it wouldn't be that easy." "So, did you like it when Usagi kissed you?" Rei stared at her teddy bear. Very faintly, she said, "Yes." "She's a decent kisser," Ranma-chan said. "Not as good as Haruka, but Haruka was just...damn, she was good." "Better than me?" Ranma-chan thought for a moment. "Hard to judge. You were better than Usagi, though not quite as good as Setsuna." She frowned. "And Ukyou?" "You beat Ukyou. Of course, Usagi gave me a wimpier kiss than the others, 'cause she panicked in the middle of it and ran off. So maybe if it had been the kind of fullbore kisses you give..." She tugged on her braid thoughtfully. "Of course, everyone except Haruka kissed me as a guy, so maybe it feels different when I'm in my guy body." "If you marry someone, would you want to..." "If she wanted to. I wouldn't insist," Ranma-chan said. "It feels pretty damn good." I can't believe we're discussing this, he thought. "Is that a hint?" Rei turned red. "Well, I...uh...We'd better get to sleep so we can do what we have to do tomorrow." "True." Ranma-chan rolled over on her side. "G'nite, Rei." "Good night, Ranma." 'Goodnight, Rei,' her teddybear said. "Goodnight, Hayao," she whispered to it, not even entirely realizing she was talking to an inanimate object again. ************* The next morning, Genma woke up with a note pinned to himself. 'Genma, I have taken my son back from you, just as you took him from me. He should make a tasty meal. Your ex-wife, Nodoka.' He blinked. This couldn't possibly be real; even if Nodoka was mad at him for no good reason, she'd never eat someone just to make a point. Probably just a prank in retaliation for our efforts to help them get on with their lives. He quickly got dressed and headed down to his son's room for morning sparring. When he opened the door, a bucket fell on his head, transforming him into a panda. Rei's bed was tipped over, and there was a zookeeper with a tranquilizer gun behind it. "Ahah, we've finally caught that renegade panda," he said, leveling the gun. "First thing to do is to spay him." Genma-panda took off running with the zookeeper in hot pursuit. The zookeeper chased him into the kitchen, where Shampoo looked up from cooking breakfast. "Ah, panda! Shampoo can make delicious Amazon Secret Panda Charbroil to go with waffles!" She whipped out two bonbori and charged him. He bolted again, now being chased by Shampoo and the Zookeeper. Usagi was outside sparring with Ukyou. Shampoo shouted, "Help catch the panda! He's very yummy!" They joined in the chase as he ran for the steps. Then a redhead bobbed into view. Her hair was short and somewhat bowl-shaped, and she had a wrapped bundle on her back. Despite her heavy blue and yellow floral kimono, she moved fluidly. As the panda charged towards her, she drew her sword from the bundle. "Ahh, more fresh meat," she said. Genma-panda stared at her; she looked quite familiar. Too familiar. No, not HER. "GROOOWWWFFF!!!" "Hmm, you'll go nicely with the steaks I made from my son," she said. Genma-panda stopped running and stared in shock. "Growf?" She paused to dab a bit of something red from her lips. "Hmm, I should have drained the blood better." Genma-panda sunk to his knees and began to cry. "GROWF!!!!" The woman came over to him. "Don't see too well without your glasses, eh, Pop?" Genma-panda's eyes widened. "Growf?" Ranma-chan took off the wig and let her pig-tail down. "Don't go leaving tricky notes, Pop. Or we'll do this again, but worse." She looks a lot like her mother, Genma-panda suddenly realized. In her girl-body. He bowed in submission. "Shampoo not have panda steak?" Shampoo asked. "Not today." Shampoo sighed. "Too bad." *************** "Ranma, you should be skating with your fiancee to defend her lips," Genma announced at breakfast a little while longer. "I can take care of my own lips!" Rei barked at him. "Haruka and I will crush that twit. Especially since I think his partner wants to lose." "Is he good looking?" Shampoo asked. "He's so arrogant it doesn't matter," Rei said. "Arrogance can be fixed easier than looks. Amazons are good at fixing pride." Rei shook her head. "You can have him." "How are things coming with you and Mamoru, big sister?" Usagi asked. "Mamoru keep evading setting a date," Shampoo replied, frowning. "Shampoo doesn't want to press the matter while his lord is in hospital." "I hope he gets well soon," Ranma said. "Who's in the hospital?" Grandpa asked. "Kunou Tatewaki, Mamoru's boss," Usagi said. "He's a very brave man." With a tiny brain, Rei thought. "He got hurt rescuing his fiancee from the Yakuza." "Hmm, brave and stupid," Genma said. "I'd suggest preparing for his funeral; the Yakuza play for keeps." I hope the Dark Kingdom doesn't strike at him again, Usagi thought. Although with Mamoru, Michiru, and his little ninja watching him, he should be fine. I wonder what his name is and if he knows how bad he is at hiding. *********** Kunou woke up and was surprised to see Mamoru sitting in a chair in his hospital room, reading from a genetics textbook and taking notes. "Chiba-san, what are you doing here?" "You're awake!" Mamoru put the book down. Kunou resisted the urge to moan as he sat up. "Yes." "We've been taking shifts watching you in case Beryl's people try something again." "Thank you, Chiba-san. Is this the first time I've woken up?" "I think they had to sedate you due to the pain the other times." He shook his head to clear it. "That seems to fit what little I remember. I take it you and Sasuke have taken the times when my beloved and my sister are in school?" Mamoru nodded. "Sasuke does most of it, since I have classes too." "I feel much better. Is my aqua-tressed goddess doing well?" "She's been worried about you, but other than that, everything is going well." "Good. Have she and my sister been getting along?" "Disturbingly well," Mamoru said. "But it's probably a good sign." "Good. The only thing worse than your fiancee and your sister fighting is for it to continue into your marriage. How are things with you and your Amazon?" Mamoru laughed. "She's not MY Amazon. I don't know why she wants to marry me; she hardly knows me." "Probably smitten with your looks. I'm sure the ladies find you almost as attractive as I am," Kunou said. "I suppose that with your parents dead, your choice of a bride is entirely in your own hands." "Yes," Mamoru said. "I'm in no hurry to get married." "I was not until the day I laid eyes upon my lovely Michiru. With my father in charge of my marriage, I'd long feared being engaged to some shaven headed refugee from a madhouse who would have a fight to the death with my sister on my wedding day, then go on to paint the guests blue." He shuddered, then relaxed. "Instead, some providence guided me to her." He looked over at Mamoru contemplatively. "My sister likes you." "Yes," Mamoru said. "I had to force her to go to school instead of staying with me." "So what do you think of her?" Kunou asked. Mamoru squirmed and resisted the urge to total truth. "She likes me more than I like her. I don't dislike her, but I think she'd marry me here in the hospital room right now if I asked. And I can't jump into something like that. But I don't want to just break her heart." She might kill me if I did, he thought. "Kodachi took Mother's death very hard," Kunou replied. "It finished off Father, really. And I'm sure it hasn't been good for me, either." He sighed. "Did we defeat the foul sorcerers?" "They got away, but Michiru was saved. She's Sailor Neptune now." "That explains quite a bit," Kunou said. "So this is not just a battle, but a war." "It seems that way," Mamoru replied. I hope we can win it. ************ "We need a plan," Genma said. "We need to not let you make it," Grandpa replied. "Oh, like you have a better idea?" "I still think the fake _Who Wants to Marry a Martial Artist?_ audition plan could work." "We've been there, done that," Genma replied. "I think we should tell them to start taking baths together." "Usagi would try to join them," Grandpa countered. "How about Coed Naked Lacrosse?" "How would THAT help?" "Well, it'd be fun to watch, anyway." Genma sighed. "What if Rei decides she wants to marry that Haruka boy after they fight side by side in this upcoming fight?" "Perhaps we can get Ranma to impersonate him and..." "Oh yes, Ranma can easily turn into a tall, skinny, effeminate blond," Genma said. "He'll turn into the Prime Minister next." "Couldn't be much worse," Grandpa said. "Let's not talk politics. We're here to get Ranma and Rei hitched." "Ahah! We could convince Ranma to challenge Haruka for Rei! Tell him Haruka said he was a wimp," Grandpa said. "Or turn it into an all out free for all on the rink to see who gets to kiss Rei. Ranma, being the best fighter, couldn't lose." "I think Rei will get mad if we make her the prize." "All out fight to see who gets Ranma?" ' "What if she loses?" Grandpa began to pace irritatedly. "Don't be negative." "I'm sure it won't work that way." "You know what I mean." "Once my arm heals, I'll just beat him into acknowledging his duties," Genma said. "That'll just make him mad," Grandpa replied. "Ahaha! I've got the PERFECT plan," Genma said. "No slinkies involved?" "No slinkies this time." **************** Soichiro answered the door nervously. Fortunately, it was Usagi and not a monster. She was carrying a white furred cat with a yellow crescent moon on his forehead. "Hi, Usagi." "Hi! I've brought Artemis to see Luna." Luna walked up. "Artemis!" Artemis leaped into the room, and Usagi followed him in. "Hi! How's it been going?" "Have you found Sailor Venus yet?" "We were hoping Mercury could help us." "I thought as much," Luna said, sighing. "Do you remember how to..." "No, they already asked me. I keep thinking it had to do with...something. Didn't that legend about our ancestor talk about how he got his shapechanging?" "Which ancestor?" Luna asked. "Greebo the Great." "Do we really have to count him among the ancestors of the Moon Cats?" "Unfortunately, you don't get to pick your relatives," he replied. "Or my aunt Hecate would go out the door in a second. Anyway, there was some condition that triggered his change, and we had to...something." Luna paused to wash one paw, then said, "Hmm. Well, it'll come back to us, I'm sure. I'm in no hurry, although I suppose Usagi's parents are." "We'd be REALLY grateful!" Usagi exclaimed. "Mom and Dad really want to be able to be human again." "Hmm, maybe Ami's computer can help us figure it out," Luna said. "When she gets home from school." "Well, I can wait," Usagi said. ************** "Okay, I have a search running for Sailor Venus, and the next Rainbow Crystal. Now, as to how to change shape, let me scan you, Luna." She waved her transformation wand over Luna while staring intently at readouts on her VR visor. "Hmm...ahh, I see. Your metamorphic abilities have to be activated by extreme stress at first, until you learn to trigger the change yourself. In your case, it's been so long since you've done it, you'll have to face an extreme stress situation to reactivate it. In other words, high danger, where being a human could save you. Then your latent potential kicks in and you will become human. It'll probably come back to you quickly once you've done it the first time." "So, if Luna and I went bungee jumping..." Artemis began. "Oh, THAT's a good idea," Luna said. "We could leap from the Tokyo Tower and see if we land on our feet too." She rolled her eyes. "I wish I could be more help," Ami said. "I think the Silver Crystal could probably unlock it too." "Then we'll just have to find it," Usagi said. "Easier said than done," Luna said. "But since we have to find it anyway, it's something you can reasonably hope for, Usagi." ************* Rei whizzed about the ice with Haruka, who was proving to be pretty good at it; Rei found it hard to keep up. "Slow down!" "The enemy won't slow down," Haruka said. "You have to keep up or die." "It's not a war," Rei said. "No one's going to die." "All's fair in love and war, and this relates to both. We'll have the edge because I don't think Makoto really wants to win, but on the other hand, I don't know if you're up to this." "WHAT?" Rei said angrily, then slipped and fell on her face. "Case in point. How much ice skating have you done?" "This is my third time." "You think this is going to be their third time?" Haruka helped Rei up. "I can't let someone else do this! I have to do it myself." "I understand that. But it means we have to push ourselves, or we'll get our ass kicked from here to the moon." Ranma skated into sight with Setsuna following him. "Hey, wanna spar with us to get some idea of what it's like?" "Good idea," Haruka said. "Ready to kick their ass, Rei?" No, she thought. "Right. Let's do it." She paused. "So what are the rules for Martial Skating, anyway?" "It's pretty simple. Each couple holds hands. First couple to let go loses," Setsuna said. "No disfiguring attacks. Almost anything else goes." "Right. Each team to opposite sides of the rink, then let's do it," Haruka said, taking Rei's hand. The two duos parted, and Rei said, "So what's our plan?" "Hmm. I bet if I kissed one of them, they'd be so shocked they'd let go of each other." "I thought you didn't like guys." "I'll do just about anything to win a fight," Haruka said. "I'll just pretend Ranma's in his girl body." She shrugged. "You could kiss Ranma; I bet that would floor him." "I think kissing at high speed would be tricky, though." "True. Setsuna's the weak link; focus on her. I suggest we move towards them in tandem, then I lift you and you use your free legs to attack." "Good idea." They all bowed, and Ranma and Rei both wobbled. Haruka blinked. "Hmm...maybe I was wrong. Well, let's test it," she said. The two pairs zoomed towards each other, and Haruka lifted Rei to enable her to kick at Setsuna as they went by. However, Ranma suddenly spun as Setsuna jumped, and he swung round like a pivot, whooshing her away from where Rei's attacks hit empty air, then coming around to enable her to kick Haruka in the back, sending Haruka toppling and rolling on the ice. Rei only just barely managed to hang on and got quite banged up as a result. They got up and did three more runs. The first time Ranma and Setsuna simply ducked, with Setsuna going between Haruka and Rei, and their joined hands and arms knocking Haruka off her feet. The second time they simply crashed at high speed between Haruka and Rei breaking their grip. The third time was apparently supposed to involve a spinning jump kick, except for Ranma slipping in the process and pulling Setsuna off balance, resulting in them skittering across the ice into a rink wall. They all paused for a rest, and Haruka asked, "Have you two done this before?" "Second time on a rink in my life," Ranma said. "No way." "Yes way." "But you two fight together like you've been doing this for years." "If it's got 'Martial' in it, I can't lose," Ranma said. "Too bad you can't name us your champions, because I frankly think they're gonna beat you on the first pass at this rate." "We'll beat that stuck-up, vain idiot ourselves!" Rei snapped. "I can take care of myself!" "Yelling ain't gonna make you suck less," Ranma said. "I do not suck! You fall down more than me!" "Do not!" Rei got to her feet. "I'll prove it!" Soon, the two of them were out on the ice, bumping into things and yelling at each other. Haruka turned to Setsuna. "Any chance you could pass as Rei?" "Not without sur...I could use the disguise pen, but I think Rei wants to do this herself." "So do I, but I think we are gonna lose. Unless we come up with some way to learn really, really fast. Rei's got spirit, but you need skill too in order to win a fight. And there ain't no point in going out and getting our asses kicked." Haruka looked at Setsuna. "So you two were out together the other night?" "Umm...yes." Setsuna said. "We went skating." "You fight well together." "We were lovers and battle partners in the Silver Millennium. The latter before the former. Like you and Michiru." "We were LOVERS?" Haruka asked in disbelief. "Yes." "That moistened bink?" Setsuna frowned. "She is a very nice person. What has she ever done to you?" "She's exactly the sort of rich stuck up snob I hate. I much prefer a woman like you." Now Setsuna blushed. "Do you flirt with anything female?" "Only the best. So how do you put up with Ranma having so many girlfriends?" "He's just afraid of...his feelings. You know how guys are at his age. Once he comes to terms with himself, we'll be back together." Haruka frowned. "So you think we can't ever change from what we used to be?" "Our love was cut off prematurely. We deserve another chance." "Nice evasion." Setsuna stared off at Rei and Ranma, who were arguing furiously as they skated. "You shouldn't reject your past just because it's your past. Sure, you have to change and adapt, but why resist part of yourself that isn't bad? If he didn't still love me, he would never have kissed me the other night." "He's got a pretty skillful tongue," Haruka said. "If you ever get to where you're gonna have sex, make sure he wears something you can get off him. Oh, and when he's in his girl body, she moans when you kiss her left nipple like you wouldn't believe. Right nipple just doesn't quite get the same effect. Don't know why." Setsuna turned bright red. "I'll keep that in mind." Haruka, on the other hand, was grinning. "Did you two ever do it like that back in the past?" "He wasn't cursed then," Setsuna said faintly. "A pity. Did you have to fight off any of the others back then?" "Just...no." "Just who?" She shook her head. "I shouldn't talk about it." "Anyone I know?" "Can't say." "You're no fun." Ranma and Rei were now skating together, doing various combat maneuvers, over and over. Setsuna frowned. "What are they doing?" "He's probably saving our bacon from the fire," Haruka said. "Jealous?" "No." "Liar." She sighed and hung her head. "Have you ever been in love, Haruka?" "Depends on how you define love. I had a massive crush on my gym coach when I was fourteen. Of course, she had a husband, so there was no chance of anything happening. Then I got a big crush on Hitomi. But she had a boyfriend or something." "Something?" "I dunno, it was like...I never saw the guy, but you just knew there was someone, and one one else could ever replace him. Or her. For all I know she was in love with that friend of hers who was dating Amano-sempai. But she could run like the wind. I had my first real fling with this girl, Umi. She was very dignified and elegant. But depressed a lot. It didn't last long; she had secrets, it seemed like, which I could never quite get into. There had been some sort of tragedy, but even though we..." Haruka stared at the ground. "I think someone had died, someone she'd really cared about, and she never got over it. Neither had her two friends she always hung around with. Her parents begged me to try to find out what had hurt their daughter so much, but when I poked my nose into it, she dumped me." "So then I had a few flings which didn't mean anything, and got dumped by a lot of women when they actually realized I was a girl. You know how it goes." Not really, Setsuna thought. "I bet being dumped by Umi like that really hurt." "A lot," Haruka said quietly. "It's dangerous to give your heart away, Setsuna, because sometimes it comes back with a knife in it." "He's hurting, and I don't know how to help," Setsuna said, feeling the need to unburden herself to a sympathetic ear who had no vested interest in the whole fiancee war. "His past life keeps badgering him, and as a result, he can't trust anything he thinks or feels." "I could seduce him, see if that helps," Haruka said. "Be serious!" Setsuna snapped. "Rei has the same problem. I don't know why it's the two of them who suffer this, but..." "It's the gap between what they are now and what they were then," Haruka said. "Do you think you've really changed in any fundamental ways?" "No." "But they have, I'm guessing. Or maybe he's afraid to love you because he thinks you'll die on him again." "He's the one who died." "Ahh. Maybe he fears he'll die again if he's too much like Ruby." Setsuna shook her head. "He's not afraid of dying." "You read minds?" "No." "Then how do you know?" "Ruby was never..." she began. "Ruby's dead," Haruka said. "I think he loves Rei, but he's still got the instincts of loving you, and the tension is driving him batty." Setsuna frowned deeply. "But they fight all the time." "Passion sometimes goes bad that way. On the other hand... you two work together like a well-oiled machine. Which means he hasn't really rejected his past completely. Whenever he doesn't think about it, the truth comes up. That MIGHT be one way of looking at it." "But you don't buy it." "Not enough evidence." Haruka shrugged. "Hey, look, they just kissed!" Setsuna leaped to her feet. "WHAT?" "Oh wait, wrong couple." Smoke came from Setsuna's ears. "If I had my staff, I'd be beating you in the head with it right now." "You promise?" Sighing, Setsuna sat. "I will be patient," she said. "I waited for millennia, I can wait a little longer." "You should just carry him off and seduce him. Put him to the sticking point." "You think so?" "Worked for me on him." Haruka grinned impishly. "But what if he says no?" "Should I seduce him for you, then?" "..." Haruka laughed loudly and got up. "Let's go embarrass them." "I think you live to embarrass people," Setsuna said, getting up. "Came by it from my father." "Does he show your girlfriends naked baby pictures of you?" "One of the few times Umi ever laughed when I was watching," Haruka said, hitting the ice. "C'mon, let's make them jealous." She took Setsuna's hand. "Hey now, waaaaaaiiiiittttt....." Haruka waited like one pig waits for another. *********** "He's building a WHAT?" Kunzite asked Zoicite. "He and eleven youma are building a giant wooden and metal rabbit in a junkyard." "..." "Perhaps it's some sort of war machine." "You've got to be kidding." "I'm not kidding." "But...it makes no sense." "Well, the locals see the face of the moon as having a rabbit on it, so perhaps it somehow ties in to finding the moon princess." "With a giant wooden rabbit?" Kunzite shook his head. "The man is up to something. Perhaps tapping the power of the stars somehow." "Or maybe his eight year old lover likes wooden bunnies." "I rather doubt he was watching the child because he had the hots for her. Possibly it was just a diversion to keep us from noticing this rabbit...whatever it is." "I could tip off the Senshi and let them break it up," Zoicite suggested. "Do it subtly. We can't let it be traced back to us." "I can do subtle." *********** The phone rang. Soichiro sighed. "Not again." "I'll get it this time," Usagi said, leaping over the dinner table to the phone and grabbing it. "Hello?" She sighed and put it down. "They hung up again." "Twenty times in one meal," Ami said. "That must be a record." Usagi vaulted back. "Thanks for letting me eat with you." "No problem," Soichiro said. "I usually end up cooking too much for just two." The phone rang again. "Don't get it unless it rings at least three times," Ami said. It was on five when Ami finally got up and got it. "Hello?" "Hi, this is Tsubasa. Gos is a wimp, so I decided to just do this for him before he made your phone explode or something." "..." "Anyway, he wants to ask...urk...Gos, no, not the hammer!" Click. Ami stared at the phone. "Who was it?" Usagi asked. "I'm not sure, and I'm not sure if I want to know. Oh wait, Tsubasa was the boy who wore the scarf, right?" "Yeah." "He must need homework help and be embarrassed to ask someone he barely knows," Ami speculated. "Maybe he wants to ask you out," Usagi said. "Oh, I'm sure he doesn't." Ami said. P-chan, eating from a bowl on the floor, looked relieved. "I just hope he didn't get hurt by...whatever happened." She sat back down. "It sounded like a fight." "I'm sure he can take care of himself," Usagi said. ************** "I still think you should let me switch-hit for you," Ranma said. "That's pinch-hit, and I want to do this myself," Rei replied as they passed under the torii at the top of the stairs. "Geez, nailed on a sports term by a girl," Ranma mumbled. "Hey, Rei, got a minute?" Ken asked. He was standing just inside the torii, dressed in nice grey slacks, a tie, a white shirt and a grey blazer. "What'cha so dressed up for?" Ranma asked. "You shouldn't slob around a temple, Ranma," Ken said. "Well, I'm gonna go slob off to the bathroom and get clean," Ranma said. "Adios." Once he was out of sight, Ken said, "Hey, Rei, you busy this Friday?" "I have a skating combat match," Rei replied. Ken boggled. "That's a new one." "No, really. You ought to come see me and Haruka stomp the Golden Pair." "You're going up against the Golden Pair?" Ken's eyes widened in shock. "Made your funeral arrangements yet?" "They're not that good." "They're undefeated, except once when they were both sick." "We have an edge, though," Rei said. "Blackmail?" "We're not as stupid as they are." "You and Ranma going up against them?" "No, no, me and Haruka." He frowned. "You two are an item?" "No! I don't date women!" Rei snapped. "Any more than you date men! Or are you and Gosunkugi together now?" Ken cringed. "His name gives me flashbacks." "Anyway, you should come cheer me on." Ken looked thoughtful. "You and Ranma an item?" "No." "Good, then I still have a chance." Rei blushed. "I'm engaged to Ranma. So I can't date anyone." "Engagements can shift like candy," Ken said. "Like candy?" "Okay, so metaphors aren't my strongpoint." "Simile." "Whatever. The words mean what I pay them to mean." "I think they've been taking bribes from someone else, then." "Sold out again." Ken laughed. "Well, I'm not ready to give up yet." "Not while you have Gosunkugi to fall back on," Rei said, smirking. "DON'T SAY THAT!!!!" ************* Few things in life annoyed Michiru more than every time a flaming-headed youma biker drove his demonic Harley through the front window of the beauty parlor she was trying to get her nails done at. Of course, this was the first time it had ever happened, but she feared this might become a recurring theme. Grabbing Meylia, her manicurist, she leaped back behind the cash registers as Mr. Flaming Skull threw a ball of red and white fire at the chair she'd been reclining in. "Hahahaha! You will never defeat us!" He paused, pulled out a piece of paper and glanced at it. "You cannot possibly defeat me!" Michiru stood up and put her hands on her hips. "Are you reading your evil rant from a script?" "No." He tried to glance down at the piece of paper in his hand. "This is my...grocery list. I have to pick up some...um...a hellfire refill down at the store after I beat you." Michiru strode over and pulled it out of his hands. "'Transform and fight me, Sailor Neptune, or you and all these beauty craftsmen will be destroyed! {Laugh evilly here} Suggested clever phrases for the battle..." She looked up at him. "Have you ever actually fought anyone before?" "No, ma'am, I'm just a stuntman. But when someone offers you ten million dollars for a gig like this, you take it." He paused. "I suppose we'll have to start over from the beginning." "..." He looked around. "Nice job hiding the cameras. So how do we know when to start over since the director is hidden too?" "This isn't a movie set! It's just a beauty parlor! And you've wrecked it!" "Oh, did I come to the wrong place? You look just like this picture she gave me, though." He held out a picture of Michiru playing the violin; she took it. "Hmm. So who hired you to do this?" "A Mr. N. E. Flite. American, I think. Tall, nice suit with long wavy brown hair." He paused. "Do you think I was suckered into being part of a practical joke?" Michiru nodded. "Yes. Uncle Flite likes to do that sort of thing. Did he tell you to do anything else?" "He took me down to the Anno Junkyard to get this bike, which some of his people who work there had souped up. And they were building the most weird thing." "Weird thing?" The man scratched his head. "Well, it looked sort of like a giant rabbit statue thing." "..." The familiar wail of police sirens began to tickle their eardrums. "I'm in trouble, aren't I." "You could say that." ************* "Some great warriors of the Gem Kingdom we are," Steel grumbled. "Stuck in a junkyard building a giant wooden bunny." He paused and pushed his pink hair out of his eyes. "I need a bandana." "You need a haircut," Rock Crystal replied, pausing from nailgunning white felt onto one leg of the bunny. "Of course, it would help if Nephrite wasn't sitting in that big chair sipping mint juleps while we work." She paused to scratch her leg with the gun. "Or if he'd let us use magic," Silicon began, then snapped at Rock Crystal, "Don't point a gun at your leg while it's loaded!" Lashing out with a wiry arm, he grabbed it away from her. "Geez, you're acting dumber than those new recruits with less excuse." "So what do we have here?" Detective Kobayashi, a dark haired, middle aged, perfectly normal human, said. He was flanked by two uniformed cops, while he was ready to play Dick Tracy in a movie, except for his jaw not forming a right angle. The cops were escorting a man in a biker outfit who was carrying a large, fake skull. "We're bored, so we decided to build a giant wooden rabbit," Nephrite said, climbing down the ladder from the giant chair which loomed over the junkyard for no discernable reason. "That's him, officers!" the biker said. "What is going on here?" Nephrite asked. Detective Kobayashi explained what had happened in the shop. Nephrite frowned. "Understand that I dislike doing this to honest warriors such as yourselves." His eyes flared and the three men locked up. "You came and investigated. You found nothing but the junkyard staff, who had no idea what you were talking about. You concluded that the man lied, and so you will haul him off to jail." The four men turned and walked away, and as soon as they were out of sight, Nephrite visibly sagged. "There's few things more exhausting for me than mind control." "What was that all about?" "I don't know, but Rock Crystal, I want you to follow them and see what develops." "Yessir." "Dilithium, go check out the shop, see if you can track down this 'Sailor Neptune' or 'Michiru'." "Yessir." "The rest of you, back to work on the rabbit." "But WHY are we building a giant rabbit?" Steel asked. "I would have to tell Beryl to put you in eternal sleep like Jadeite if you knew." Steel became very quiet and went to work. "Oh, and Beryllium?" "Yes, sir?" the redheaded woman asked. "Get me another mint julep." ************ "Hah! Come and get me, Luna!" Artemis said, running along the fencetop. "I have better things to do than chase you," Luna said. "Like what?" "Napping." He frowned and stuck out his tongue. She stuck out her tongue. The fence board swayed under her feet, then suddenly toppled, sending her falling into the yard they were by as the rotted wood finally broke. She flew into the backyard pool, splashing two young girls and a big fat blue cat. As Artemis jumped down and the girls stood, the cat stirred to life, running over and jumping in, then doing its clumsy best to pull her out. He got her out of the water, and the two girls ran over. "Are you okay?" the redhead asked. Luna spat up water and shook herself dry, dousing the two girls, then meowed thanks at the big blue cat, who purred and looked pleased. One of the girls spotted Artemis. "Hey, look, it must be her boyfriend!" the redhead said. "Some boyfriend; he left her to drown." Artemis frowned at that. "Did not." He then put a paw over his mouth. "He spoke!" the blonde girl said. "You're just making that up," the redhead replied. "Cats don't talk, or Rhett would have a lot to say. I think." "Why'd you name him Rhett Butler, anyway?" "'Cause Mom's insane," the redhead said. Luna took off, dragging Artemis away so she could chew him out in private. "Why'd you talk in front of them?" "I couldn't just let them insult me!" "What if the enemy had been watching?" "Oh yeah, like the Dark Kingdom spends its time spying on eight year olds." Nephrite, still disguised as Emerald, watched them go, and decided to follow them. ************** I can't believe I'm giving two cats a ride across town, Haruka thought. "So what's so urgent that Ukyou called me away from home to take you two to Ami's house?" "Ami was feeling paranoid about the Dark Kingdom coming for her father while she's gone on a raid," Kenji-neko said. "So she thinks her father will be safe if he has more cats?" Ikuko-neko laughed. "I know, I don't think I'm much of a guard, either. But also, Luna wanted someone to keep Artemis from driving her insane." "And he's going to work on teaching me some of the magic that male Moon cats use," Kenji said. "Like how to howl on back fences?" "I hope not," Ikuko-neko said. ************** "Get me out of here," Agate said to Zoicite once Zoicite broke the brainwashing on him. "Not yet," Zoicite said. "If we spring you too soon, they might follow the trail and discover you've vanished. Unless...ahah, I should have thought of this. I'll come in as Nephrite and 'kill' you. That way, no one will know what happened." "Sounds good to me," Agate said. "This jail sucks." "I know. I know. Just give me a minute..." ***************** Guardian Saturn peeked over the massive pile of junk. "It's a giant wooden and metal rabbit." He slid back down. "And that's all." Sailor Neptune frowned. "Why would Nephrite build such a thing?" "Maybe he wants to conquer Troy," Sailor Pluto speculated. "Shampoo strongly suggests not taking it home with us." "Hmm, so if it is the Trojan Rabbit, then it's probably stuffed full of youma who will jump out when we haul it through our gates," Sailor Moon said. "Or maybe it's an effort to hint that he knows about Usagi. Since her name does mean 'Rabbit'," Mercury speculated. "It couldn't be a message," Guardian Uranus said. "He didn't want us to find it. Maybe he thinks it will somehow find the next Shadow and Rainbow Crystal for him." "My computer's databanks don't mention any giant wooden rabbit devices in the Silver Millennium. Do you remember anything, Pluto?" "The village of Silverymoon had a giant badger statue," Pluto said. Neptune frowned. "Or this could be an elaborate trick to lure us away from the REAL target of their plans. It could be a bomb that blows up when a Senshi gets near it." Mercury's computer said with Mr. Spock's voice, "Search complete, Captain." Everyone stared at it, and Mercury laughed. "It must have found something." She checked. "Ahah! It's found the third crystal...hey, it's only about two blocks from my house!" "We should have Artemis and Luna go take a look while we make sure the rabbit isn't important," Mars said. "Then we can teleport over there." Mercury nodded. "The crystal probably won't go anywhere in the next few minutes." Unseen by them in her glass form, Silicon quietly teleported away. ************* "Hmm, you know, I just realized something," Artemis said as he and Luna watched Rhett Butler sleep on a deck chair. "What?" "How exactly do we get the Rainbow Crystals out without freeing the Shadows?" "..." "Exactly." "Hrm. We could...use the...There has to be some way that doesn't involve letting Nephrite yank it out and then we steal it." "Example?" "This could get ugly." ************ Guardian Uranus whispered to Guardian Saturn as they crawled up to the ramp and door on the back of the wagon, "I feel ridiculous." "We're the ones with the speed to get clear if it's full of youma," he whispered back. She nodded, and then they both leaped to their feet and kicked the door in, jumping to one side. Nothing happened. They peeked in, and saw only a table with a faintly glowing crystal bunny on it. They gestured for the others to move up. Soon, the entire group was huddled by the door, looking in. "Nice bit of craftsmanship," Shampoo said, levelling an acid arrow at it. "Shall Shampoo shoot it?" "Hmm, how 'bout 'Arrowette' for a code name for you, big sister?" Sailor Moon asked. "Shampoo think not." "Scarlet Centurion!" "Wonder Girl!" "Wonder WOMAN!" "How about if we argue over a name for her later?" Neptune said. "I say we shoot the bunny." "But it's just a cute statuette," Sailor Moon said. "Ahah, I bet if we move the bunny, a boulder is released to roll over us and squash us flat," Guardian Saturn said. "From where?" Sailor Pluto asked. "I'm picking up definite magical energy," Sailor Mercury said. "Not sure for what purpose." "Should Shampoo shoot it, then?" "That may trigger something also," Mercury said. "So we're going to sit here and cower before a small crystal statue?" Guardian Saturn asked. "That about sums it up," Shampoo grumbled. "Let me finish scanning it." "Will you finish in this century?" "If you let me work," Mercury said with just a tiny hint of acid. Startled, Saturn was silenced. ************* I feel like an idiot, Nephrite thought. He jumped down into the yard, still disguised as Emerald, with Silicon by his side. He put a hand onto Rhett Butler. "Sloth! I command you to come forth!" He then infused the cat with dark energy, hoping to awaken Sloth in that way. Rhett turned into a fifteen foot long version of himself with a yellow gem embedded in his belly, the Rainbow Crystal. He then rolled over, covering it with his massive bulk and began to snooze. "Sloth! I command you to give me the Rainbow Crystal!" *Snore.* Artemis laughed loudly, while Luna snickered, then got out her communicator. "He's awakened Sloth, but Sloth is sleeping on top of the Rainbow Crystal." "We're just about to take out the crystal rabbit." "The what?" "SLOTH, ARISE!" Sloth lifted his tail. "Pluto's going to destroy it with a dead scream." The sound of engines revving came over the communicator. "Uh oh," Mercury said. "Uh oh?" "Looks like destroying it sets off another trap! We'll come as soon as we can! Mercury out!" Nephrite began to kick Sloth. "Wake up!" Sloth woke up, bit his foot, then went back to sleep. "Ow! Ow! Ow! Silicon, DO SOMETHING!!!!!" "You can't order me around, Emerald. I'm not going near that thing. Sloth was said to be very deadly when roused." "I'm Nephrite!" "No, Nephrite sent me to tell you about this. Don't ask me why, since you're useless." "I am Nephrite! I told Emerald to impersonate me!" "Sure you did." Nephrite assumed his real form. "See, I'm Nephrite!" Silicon assumed Nephrite's appearance. "Look, I'm Nephrite too! You can't fool me with that cheap trick." "We have to do something," Luna whispered. "I could bite his tail to make him roll over, then you could take the gem?" "I'd have to bite it out of his chest," Luna said. "Then we should wait until the Sailors arrive or they actually get the Rainbow Crystal," Artemis said. "What's it going to take to prove to you that I'm Nephrite?" "A giant flaming Beryl head or you not acting like an idiot." "I'm an idiot?" Nephrite crossed his arms. "You're the one who can't recognize your lord." "At least I didn't get bitten by a cat." "Oh, I'd like to see YOU do better," Nephrite snapped. Silicon knealt down next to the cat, and her hands reshaped themselves into wires which quested under the cat. Sloth's flabby body shook, then he leaped straight up into the air howling. Silicon stood up, reforming her hands, which now held the crystal. She turned to face Nephrite. "See?" Then Sloth fell back down, landing on Silicon and sending the gem flying into the air. It flew over Nephrite and rolled to Luna's feet. Nephrite turned and saw them. "Ahh, the moon cats." Behind him, Silicon began to struggle desperately with the now enraged Sloth. "Give me the Rainbow Crystal." "I think not," Luna said. She grabbed the Crystal with her mouth and bolted for the front yard, followed by Artemis and an angry Nephrite, then began running down the street, looking for cover. Salvation came in the form of a yellow convertible which had just stopped at the stop sign at the nearby intersection. Luna and Artemis leaped in and shouted, "HIT IT!" Haruka heard their voices and punched the accelerator, then looked into the rearview mirror. "Who the hell is that?" Luna spat out the crystal onto the seat. "Nephrite. Drive! Drive!" Bolts flew all around them as Nephrite tried to blast the wildly swerving car. Haruka said, "Where to? And do I get combat pay for this?" "What's that?" Kenji-neko asked. "It's a Rainbow Crystal, a fragment of the Silver Crystal," Luna said. "Shouldn't SOMEONE be calling the Sailors right now?" Haruka said as she swung round a corner and started down 21st. "I'll just...oh great, I left mine in the yard." "I don't have one yet," Artemis said. Haruka pulled out her transformation pen. "Well, if anyone besides me had hands so they could drive, I could try this." "If I had wings, I could fly to safety too," Artemis observed. "Hands..." Ikuko looked at the Rainbow Crystal. "So it has a fraction of the Silver Crystal's power?" "Yes," Luna said. Ikuko-neko closed her eyes, then put a paw on it. "Make me human. I'll drive." "No, it's too dangerous to use! It has to feed on your own strength to..." Luna began. The Crystal glowed yellow, and the crescent moon on Ikuko's forehead flared. Then she expanded, growing larger, and in the process squashing all the other cats against the doors and back of the seat. Her fur turned yellow, then vanished except on her head where it grew into a long blonde wave. Forelegs became arms, and rear legs human legs. Yellow ribbons wrapped round her torso, groin, and thighs, forming into a simple yellow dress decorated with white crescent moons. The yellow rainbow crystal now hung from a silver chain around her neck. Only her eyes remained the same. "It worked!" she said, then noticed her hair. "I'm not blonde!" "Take the wheel," Haruka said, doing a u-turn which brought the car nearly to a halt while Nephrite overshot them, flying down the street past them. Ikuko leaped into the driver's seat and began to clumsily drive. "I feel so off-balance." "You're used to a cat body," Artemis said. Haruka closed her eyes and prayed for a second, then pointed at Nephrite. "Don't make me use this!" She brandished the transformation pen like a sword. The car zipped around another corner to dodge an energy bolt, and Haruka nearly fell out of it. Nephrite said, "Planning to draw on me?" "I'm Sailor Uranus! Shove off!" "A man is Sailor Uranus? I doubt it. And even if you were, you cannot stop me. The Stars are Right." "The Stars can KISS MY ASS!" Haruka shouted. No choice, she thought. Goodbye, dreams of racing... "URANUS PLANET POWER!" An ill-timed swerve nearly threw her out of the car in mid-transformation, and did succeed in making her land chest-first onto Kenji-neko, who yelped and nearly got tangled in her forming costume. As it was, his head got stuck in the bow, which did not increase her dignity when she stood. He quickly extricated himself while Nephrite laughed. "Cats are a girl's best friend?" he asked. "EARTH SHAKING!" A yellow sphere of energy erupted from her hands and slammed into Nephrite, sending him crashing through a nearby house's front gate. "Hah!" Another swerve knocked her down, this time crushing Artemis by sitting on him. "You can stop swerving until he starts shooting again!" Uranus said. The car then filled up with Senshi and Guardians in a flash of light, making it very crowded. Prudence said, "I said this was a bad idea." Guardian Saturn, who had someone's elbow in his mouth, said, "Mrphad." Nephrite emerged from the rubble, took one look, sighed, and decided it was best to retreat and come up with a plan to get this one from them later, he thought. I'd best find Emerald and make sure she hasn't taken this imposture I ordered too far. And check on Silicon, if she's still alive. They can HAVE Sloth for all I care. And then he vanished just before Mars flung a bolt of fire through where he had been. "He got away!" Neptune looked up at Uranus. "Standing in a car is dangerous." "Bite me." Uranus said. "Hey, Usagi, your mom got her human body back." "Mom!" Usagi said, trying to climb over the pile and hug her as Ikuko brought the car to a halt. "You dyed your hair! It looks great! Where's Dad?" "Dad is trapped under the seat with Mercury's computer shoved in his face," Kenji-neko said from under the pile of people. "The crystal must have simply activated your moon cat shapechanging potential," Luna said. "That's why it didn't hurt you." She paused. "Or did it?" "I feel fine," she said. "Just sort of off-balance and a little confused, but I think that's because of becoming human again." Everyone piled out of the car, and Artemis said, "My tail hurts. We'd better check on Sloth." Sloth turned out to be lying by the pool, trying to lick his belly injury, which looked fairly nasty, but wasn't bleeding. He whimpered as they approached. "You poor thing," Sailor Moon said. "Who did this to you?" "Silicon wrenched the gem out of his chest," Luna said. "You should be able to focus your purification abilities through the Rainbow Crystal and turn him back to normal and heal him." Ikuko took off the crystal on its chain and handed it to Usagi. "Here you go." Knealing by the cat, Sailor Moon held the Rainbow Crystal over it and searched for the right words. "Moon Healing Escalation!" The crystal flared brightly, washing over her and the cat with yellow light. Sloth turned back into Rhett, healed except for a bare patch on his belly. Sailor Moon moaned and slumped backwards, detransforming as she did so. "I feel so weak." "The Crystal is dangerous to use," Artemis said. "And this is just a piece of it." "You okay?" Luna asked Rhett, who nodded. "Is he intelligent?" Mercury asked Luna. "He's smarter than the average cat, not quite so smart as us," Luna said. "And he saved me earlier, so I'm glad he's okay." "Fumblepaws fell in the pool," Artemis said. "You call ME fumblepaws? Who fell off the Moon Palace roof four times in one night?" They began to bicker as the group got up and left before they could attract any more attention. "We'd better get my car out of here before the cops show up," Uranus said. "Anyone want a ride?" When Ami's father saw the car pull up in front of his place, he wondered if car-stuffing had become the latest in- thing. ************ "Ahh, I love the taste of mint julep," Emerald, still disguised as Nephrite, said. Carrying a battered, unconcious Silicon, Nephrite appeared. "Emerald!" Emerald resumed her Emerald appearance. "I take it things went poorly." "I needed more backup." "You never called for any," Emerald said. "Wait...you're EMERALD?" Steel said. "I acted as Nephrite on orders." If looks could kill, Emerald would have shattered. ************* Mamoru felt the restlessness leave him; for a while he'd felt like he needed to be somewhere else where he was needed, but he'd fought it off to stay by Kunou's side. He would not abandon his post. The door opened and Kodachi came in with Sasuke. "Sorry I am so late, darling," she said. "One of my teachers showed up by surprise and was foolish enough to get into an educational debate with Father during his visitation day, and...it was a mess. You'd best go get some sleep." She kissed him on the cheek. He told himself he shouldn't let her get a false impression, but part of him found it flattering and the rest feared how she would take rejection. "Goodnight, Kodachi," he said as he rose. "Goodnight, my love. Hello, foolish brother," she said to Kunou. "Hello. Are you here to poison me?" "No, you need to get well so you can go home and we don't have to watch over you." "I don't need a warder." "You need psychiatric help, brother dear, but that's another story." Mamoru left them to their bickering and headed for home. ************ "Usagi, we need to talk," Ikuko said to her daughter. "Okay!" Usagi said. "It's so great you and Dad can finally be human again! And Shingo too, I guess." "Well, sort of human, if you don't count having big crescent moons on our foreheads," Kenji said. "But it's good enough for me. Even if I keep stumbling all the time. But that's now what we need to discuss." "Yes, Dad?" Usagi asked, leaning against the porch railing. He took a deep breath. "It's time for you to start learning how to get by in the normal world, Usagi-chan, because this is where you're going to be living. It's a pity you can't go to school, but in some ways you're too far ahead, and in others, you're years behind. We're going to do our best to fix that, but it will likely take years." Usagi's eyes flared. "But..." "We're not in the Amazon village any more, Usagi," Ikuko said. "I don't think we'll ever really have a normal life again, but I don't think we'll ever be going back there." "Not going back? But..." Usagi began. "This is only the beginning, Usagi," Ikuko said. "You're a princess reborn, and whatever destiny may have in store for you, it's far larger than a village of people hiding from the future in the mountains of China, trying to preserve a land that time has forgotten." "But I'm an Amazon! I took the oaths and...and everything." She looked over to her father. "I can't just ignore it all!" "Do you think Ranma would ever want to go live in the Amazon village where men are always second-class?" Usagi shrank in on herself a little. "But...he...no." She sighed and stared at the ground. "But I have to marry him." "You don't HAVE to do anything," Ikuko said, putting a hand on your daughter's shoulder. "Do you love him?" "Yes." "Then that's reason enough to pursue him. But if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out." "But my honor..." "The honor of the Amazons didn't lead them to lift a finger to cure our curses in eight years. Instead, they made us live as cats while they trained you to recover the artifacts needed to cure us. Assuming those artifacts even existed and you weren't just a pawn to the Council of Elders the way everyone else in the village is," Ikuko said harshly. "Young Amazons take honor seriously, but the elders just use it as a tool to move their pawns around the board. I'm grateful to Cologne for being as good to you as she has, and I like Shampoo as much as you do, but most of them have treated me like a talking pet, not like someone who was as intelligent as they are." "Was it really that bad?" Usagi asked. "You should have told me! I'd have made them stop." "You couldn't be everywhere all the time, dear," Ikuko said. "But thank you anyway. If you're going to marry Ranma, you're going to have to learn how to live in his world. And you're going to have to stop trying to make other people live by Amazon law. You're in Japan, and Amazon law doesn't apply." "But..." "I've been wanting to teach you about photography," Kenji said. "But I had no hands and no camera. I think you'd make a good photographer." "You really think so?" Usagi asked. "You could do with some art lessons too," Ikuko said. "I've seen you draw, and it's very good. With some more work, you could be a really great artist. You also need to finish learning all the Japanese characters, since you left here before you were done." Usagi nodded. "That would be useful. I always feel weird because of all the things I can read in Chinese that I can't read in Japanese. Even my Greek is better." "See what I mean?" Ikuko asked. "Yeah, sort of. But I don't know what I'm going to tell big sister." "Well, you don't have to say anything immediately," Ikuko said. "But you should tell her soon. And you need to tell Ranma." "I suppose this means I won't HAVE to marry Rei either," Usagi said. Kenji sweatdropped. "What?" "Okay, it goes like this..." ************** The next day, Ami's phone rang. Running, she managed to get to it in time. "Hello?" "Hi...uh...would you...uh..." a male voice began to babble. The voice sounded familiar, and Ami tried to place it. Gosunkugi, she thought. Gosunkugi Hikaru. One of the boys from the...group thing. "Hi, Gosunkugi-san," she said. "How are you today?" "I'm doing just great! Are you, um...doing anything this Friday?" "I'm going to see Rei and Haruka skate against some people down at the Juuban Rink." "Oh. Umm...mind if I come?" "Sure, they'll be glad to have more people cheering them on," Ami said. "It's at seven on Friday." "Okay! See you then!" He then hung up. Ami scratched her head. I wonder what he was originally calling me about? The phone rung again, and she picked it up. "Mizuno house." "Hi, Ami," Ryo said. "You doing anything this Friday?" "Rei and Haruka have a skating competition I'm going to go see. Want to come with me?" "Sure!" "Okay. It's at seven, so come over here at six thirty and Dad can take us both over." "Sounds good to me. Everything been going okay for you at school?" "Pretty much. Lots of work as usual. Oh, and I finally finished a painting I'd been working on. I'll show it to you when you come over, okay?" "Sounds good to me." "See you then, then," Ami said. "I need to get cracking on more homework." "Okay, talk to ya later! Bye!" He hung up the phone. She skipped away from the phone with a smile on her face, although if pressed, she couldn't have quite said why. ************* Usagi levelled the camera and took a shot. The flash brightened the rink, just as her father had said it would. "Like this?" Blinded for a crucial moment by the flash, Ranma and Setsuna crashed head on into Haruka and Rei, sending everyone flying in various directions. Groaning, they dragged themselves to their feet on the ice. "Hmm, I think we used too strong a flash," Kenji said. "I should have checked more carefully. Also, you forgot to take the lens cap off." "..." Kenji continued to instruct Usagi as the two pairs split away from each other and circled around again. Haruka and Rei zoomed forward with Haruka lifting Rei as they closed in on Ranma and Setsuna, then going airborne towards Setsuna with Rei's legs extended in front of them. Setsuna tried to duck the attack and lost her footing, pulling Ranma down with her. They rolled, then got back up and came around again. This time Haruka and Rei started to do the same thing, then as Setsuna ducked more smoothly, they turned right before the leap and came at Ranma instead, planting Rei's face into his. She kissed him and his eyes widened. His hand went limp and he lost his grip on Setsuna. "That's cheating!" Ranma shouted. "All's fair in love and war," Haruka said. "It was that or having me kiss Setsuna." "I dunno if they'll be so shocked," Ranma said. "Well, unless we get lucky with one of these moves we've worked out, it may be our only choice," Haruka said. "They're gonna be good. But I think we'll put up a good showing now, even if we lose. Thanks for helping us with this." "So what are you gonna do if he tries to steal your lips, Haruka?" Setsuna teased. "Kick him in the groin, then go gargle with mouthwash," Haruka said. "LOTS of mouthwash." *************** Ranma-chan froze up as the door to the outside opened, just as she was about to get in the hot tub. "I'm taking a BATH in here!" "I need to talk to you, Ranma," Usagi said quietly. "Can't it wait until I finish?" She shivered from the blast of cold air Usagi had let in. "I just...this is the best place to get any privacy and...it's important." I wonder if Jackie Chan has days like this, Ranma-chan thought. I bet no one will let him take a bath by himself either. "Lemme grab a towel." She quickly dried herself and wrapped it around herself, then sat down on a stool. "What's up, Usagi?" Usagi was wearing some of Rei's clothing, he realized; it was the first time he'd ever seen her in anything other than her chinese stuff. It didn't quite fit her right. Usagi sat on another stool. "My parents want me to quit being an Amazon." "And you don't want to," Ranma-chan said. "What made them suddenly...oh, they don't need the Amazons any more." "I never realized they were so bitter about it," Usagi said quietly. "And now I'm not sure what to do. I like being an Amazon warrior, but they want me to be more...normal." "You make a good Amazon, far as I can tell," Ranma- chan said. "I can't imagine you as some normal girly-girl." Usagi giggled. "Lying around all day reading manga and dreaming about boys all the time? And wearing one of those school uniforms eight hours a day? I guess I would have been like that if I'd never been to China." "Or you might have been a teen genius like Ami." "I remember what I was like when I was still in Japan. Not much chance of that. I just...I don't know what to tell my parents. I don't want to defy them, but, I mean..." She looked intently at Ranma-chan. "Could you defy your father?" "I do it all the time. Whenever he's an idiot, and that happens a lot. I'm defying him right now by not marrying Rei right this minute." Ranma-chan shrugged. "On the other hand, if you stay in Japan, there is probably some stuff you oughta learn. We can't all live offa Grandpa forever, although Pop probably plans to." "I kind of like helping to run the shrine," Usagi said. "I've been able to trade a lot of lore with Grandpa." "Really?" She nodded. "He and Shampoo and I have a lot of time to talk when there's no visitors and you and Rei and Ukyou are at school." She stared at Ranma-chan with the look of a woman who expects a man to know something, and Ranma- chan stared back with the look of someone who doesn't know what that is. "So, are you gonna go back to China when we beat Beryl and finish this?" Ranma-chan asked. "I..." Usagi stared at the floor. "I can't go back if I don't marry you." "Well, I ain't interested in living in China. Been there once and didn't enjoy it much." Ranma-chan poked her own breast for emphasis. "Especially in a backwater village ruled by women." "What's wrong with women being in charge?" Usagi asked, sounding surprised. "Nothing, if you're a woman," Ranma-chan said. "I also wouldn't want to live somewhere that you can be forced to marry or kill people due to an accident." Usagi winced. "The rules all have good reasons!" "What's the good reason for having to marry someone you accidentally kissed?" "Because...because..." She stared at the ground in frustration. "Amazons shouldn't kiss anyone by accident." "Accidents happen. Just look at me right now. Martial artists ain't supposed to turn into women when wet, either. I just don't have the slightest desire to live in the Amazon village, whether I marry you or not." Usagi slumped in on herself. "Then I can't ever go back." "I can't help it if your village has stupid laws. If you like being an Amazon, that's fine with me, but I'm not interested in it, and I can't help their dumb decisions." "Our laws are not stupid!" "You like them making you miserable?" Usagi clenched her fists and started to stand, then sat back down and unclenched them. "I feel trapped." "Join the club. I can't figure out who I might like to marry because I can't date anyone without having to marry them. I also have a madman howling in my head, and...shut up, Ruby. So I'm not sure who _I_ really like best, with him always putting his two cents in. At least Princess Serenity ain't telling you who to like." "True. So what would you do if you were me?" "So why do you WANT to be an Amazon?" "They respect me, and I have a lot of friends. I'm part of a sisterhood with a long and honorable history. And I owe them for all the training they gave me and taking my family in." "And what exactly would they do if you went back without me?" "I'd probably be forced to work the fields for a year or more, and possibly given the Jyusenkyo punishment. It would depend a lot on why I came back without you." "So, in other words, the guy has no choice in whether he marries you." "Well..." "What if Nephrite beat you in combat? Would you marry him?" "I'd kill myself first." "Me too, but the point remains. What happens if some mad-dog rapist beats an Amazon in battle?" "A mad-dog rapist is no match for us." "Uh huh. First law of martial arts is that there's always someone who can kick your ass, and he's probably nuts." Ranma-chan thought for a moment. "Usagi, could you have killed me? If I'd really been a girl?" "No," she said faintly. "I've never killed a human." "But the same law said you had to. What were you planning to do?" "I don't know," Usagi said softly. "I couldn't kill you, but I had to..." She began to cry. "I like being a warrior. I like martial arts, and all my teachers were pretty nice except for Soft Soap, but no one liked her and they all treated me so well, and Great-Grandmother acted like I was her own flesh and blood and I can't just fail them, but I don't want to make everyone hate me and I don't know what to do." Ranma-chan didn't know either, although she finally got up the courage to come over and put a hand on Usagi's shoulder. "Don't cry," she said, a command which never works. Usagi threw herself at her and began to bawl. "I just don't know what to do and I can't go back, but I don't want to stop being me and nothing makes sense any more, and I'm so lonely when I have to sleep by myself and big sister just doesn't quite understand and I don't know why and...and..." The tears overwhelmed her ability to speak. Ranma-chan made random soothing noises, wishing both that she knew how to comfort Usagi, and that someone else would wander by who had some idea what to do. "Uh...there ain't some Amazon law about crying on someone, is there?" "Probably." Just my luck. This probably means I have to adopt a goldfish or something, Ranma-chan thought. "Why don't you just stay here and be a warrior? I mean, you ARE Sailor Moon, after all, and fighting's part of that job." Her death grip on Ranma-chan loosened. "But what about when we beat Beryl?" "There's always call for martial artists. You're already teaching here; we could start a proper dojo when we get out of high school. Well, when I do. I mean, it ain't like you have to be a girly girl if you stay." She looked thoughtful. "I have enjoyed teaching people some of my skills. That would be kind of fun, although I'd miss everyone back in the village. On the other hand, I'd miss everyone here if I went back. So that's what you want to do?" "Yeah. I had enough of wandering the world with Pop. I want my own roof I ain't gotta mooch off someone. And I wanna settle things with Mom soon." Usagi nodded. "Ukyou would make a good dojo instructor too," she said. "We could build a secret Senshi base under it." Ranma-chan laughed. "With a clock that slides over to reveal the secret tunnel down to the Senshicave?" "Sure! I bet Ami could make one. Okay then, it's settled, we'll set up a dojo once you and Rei get out of school. Maybe we can get Haruka to bankroll us. Or Setsuna could predict some stock futures. Then we'll set up our secret base under it." Ranma-chan wondered for a second if she was really having this conversation. "With Ami as our medic on staff and Naoko so we wouldn't need an electric hookup and..." "Rei-chan would work at the temple, but she could live with us, and Ukyou could double as cook and instructor and..." Usagi rambled along cheerfully, planning out the future, then said, "Can I kiss you?" "You might as well. Everyone else does." Usagi frowned. "Ranma..." "So you wouldn't mind kissing a girl?" "Nope," Usagi said. "I don't see why Rei is so uptight about it." "Well, she did like kissing you, although I had to just about beat it out of her," Ranma-chan said contemplatively. "She did?" Usagi asked. "Oh wait, I bet she didn't want me to tell anyone that. You didn't hear it, okay?" Ranma-chan asked, despite knowing it was too late. "I liked kissing her a lot too," Usagi said. "Although she's not very good at it." "Not good at it? I thought she was pretty good." Usagi got up. "Well, I'll go test how good she is when she's not doped up on a potion." "..." "Or would that be a bad idea?" "She was...um...if you tell her I told you, she'll kill me." "I'll just tell her I felt like it because we're already engaged so it doesn't matter, okay?" She smiled brightly. "And you can finish your bath." "Ummm...are you SURE this is a good idea?" "No, but I want to," Usagi said, then leaned down and quickly kissed Ranma on the lips. After that, she then headed for the door. "Have a nice soak and thanks for cheering me up!" "Uh...you're welcome." ************ Rei sprawled out on her bed, exhausted. My legs ACHE, she thought. I want to sleep for a week. But they hurt so much I can't sleep. The door opened. "Do your legs hurt as much as mine do, Ranma?" she asked. "I'm not Ranma," Usagi answered. "Would you like a massage?" "YES," Rei said. Usagi's hands were quick, efficient, and very, very soothing. Soon, Rei's legs felt much better. As she relaxed, Rei said, "I wonder what's taking Ranma so long." "Probably he's aching too and staying in the hot water extra long," Usagi replied. "Did the stuff I loaned you work out okay?" Rei asked. "It's fine," Usagi said. "Ranma and I decided we're going to open a dojo once he gets out of high school." "What?" Rei asked. "I can't go back if I don't marry him, and I don't want to stop being some kind of warrior. But I like teaching people, so I think I want to teach martial arts with Ranma." Rei frowned. "So you two have just planned out your future, have you?" "I was hoping you could live with us," Usagi said. "Or maybe Grandpa would let us just teach here still. We could set it up as our Senshi base." "Our Camelot?" "Exactly." Rei laughed. "Do I get to be Lancelot to your Guenevere?" "I want to be King Arthur," Usagi said. "All Guenevere ever did was get kidnapped." "Okay, Ranma can be Guenevere." They both laughed loudly, then Rei said, "Much better. Thanks, Usagi." "Can I have a kiss as a reward?" she asked, smiling. "..." "Please?" "I...uh...well..." Usagi's face loomed closer and Rei felt her heart speed up. "Just say no if you don't want me to." "Well, uh..." The door opened and Grandpa said, "Hey, Rei, where is..." "It's not what it looks like!" Rei shouted. "I passed out and she was about to give me mouth to mouth!" Grandpa shook his head. "I'm old, but my brain hasn't died yet. Can't you at least make a plausible lie?" "Umm....the dog ate my homework? We were controlled by aliens? I'm really Ranma in disguise?" Rei said in an increasing panic. "Ranma won't be pleased with this," Grandpa said. Ranma-chan came in. "Won't be pleased with...oh." "We didn't kiss!" Rei said frantically. "I was just giving her a massage," Usagi said, glancing at Rei, but looking disappointed. "Ranma, you shouldn't let your fiancee..." Grandpa began. "Whatever. I'm going to bed," Ranma-chan said. "Cause this ain't my fault." "Why would it be your fault? Other than your failure to proclaim your love for your fiancee, which has led her to this desperate measure of accepting seduction by a Amazon. You've forced her to turn this way in her desperate quest for affection. IT IS YOUR FAULT!" Grandpa proclaimed. "Hey, Usagi, you seducing Rei?" "Yes." She giggled. "You ain't supposed to agree with me when I ask that!" Ranma-chan said. "We're taking you to talk to your parents," Grandpa said, grabbing Usagi and dragging her off. "I like you, Usagi, but Rei has to marry Ranma. A pity I don't have a son you could marry, but..." He closed the door as he left with Usagi in tow. Rei said, "She WAS giving me a massage." "I shoulda asked her for one," Ranma-chan said, getting into bed. "You believe me?" she asked in surprise. "I...uh...I ain't the suspicious type. And if you two wanna smooch, go for it. Although I wish I could kiss someone without starting a riot, but..." "Did you really decide to start a dojo with Usagi?" "Well, it was her idea, but I was thinking about it, and I think it would work well. I could teach the guys and she could teach the women. I'd do unarmed, and she'd do weapons technique. We'd make a good partnership." "But what about..." She couldn't quite say it all the way. "So what are you planning to do? After high school, I mean." "Well, go to college, then I'd like to be an idol singer, or maybe a song writer. I hadn't really thought about it a lot." "I guess you'd have to be gone a lot if you went into music," Ranma-chan said. Rei thought she sounded a little disappointed, but she wasn't quite sure. "Yeah, I'd have to tour and stuff." "Until you got old and they tossed you aside like yesterday's toast," Ranma-chan mused. "But you could still write music, then. Unless you went crazy and became a psychopath like most ex-idol singers." "Most ex-idol singers do NOT go crazy and kill people." "They don't?" "What gave you THAT crazy idea?" "I saw it on TV." Rei sighed. "You can't believe everything you see on TV." "I suppose you'd be needing breast implants, although you're still young enough they might grow larger," Ranma- chan mused. "You're gonna sag when you get old," Rei snapped. "Will not!" "Will too. Bigger they are, the more they sag. They'll probably be to your knees by forty." "You're just jealous!" "Top heavy!" "Invisible!" "At least my breasts aren't larger than my BRAIN!" "At least I HAVE a brain!" Tongues were flying and the intellect level was rapidly plunging when Genma opened the door. "Stop shouting! People are trying to sleep!" "She started it!" they both said, pointing. "Don't make me FINISH it," Genma said, then closed the door. Conceited jerk, Rei thought, rolling over and trying to sleep. I can't help it if I'm the best built magical warrior in both my bodies, Ranma thought. I can't see why she's so huffy about it. Eowyn was always sensitive about her figure, Ruby offered helpfully. But she's got a nice figure, Ranma-chan thought. She just can't compete with me. She won't be able to compete with that Golden Pair, either, Ruby thought. Well, I have an idea for something I can do about that, Ranma-chan thought. The old bait and switch. Going ice fishing in the rink? Ruby asked. Har de har har, Ranma-chan thought. I have a clever plan. I think we'd have better luck ice fishing, Ruby replied. Oh be quiet, was Ranma-chan's final comment. *************** "So when does the 'clever plan' come into play?" Grandpa asked Genma right after everyone had left for school the next morning. "What clever plan?" he asked, stuffing more waffles into his mouth. "The one you told me you had!" "Oh, THAT clever plan. Don't worry, everything is in motion." Grandpa poured himself some more milk. "It is?" Silence. "No, actually, I forgot what it was." *Splash!* "I should sell you to the zoo. Ranma might agree to marry Rei in return for that." "GROWF!" "Don't growf at me, young man. I guess it's up to me to save the day again" "Growf." The panda sounded dubious. "Now, here's the plan..." Grandpa began. ********** "You want us to WHAT?" Rei said. "Sleep in the same bed," Grandpa said. "But...there's not room! And it's immoral!" "The kamis will forgive you for the sake of your future marriage," Grandpa said. "I give you my blessing." "Well, you probably don't flail about half as much as Usagi does," Ranma said, "But I ain't doing it." "And how would you know that, BOY?" Genma asked, looming over Ranma. "Uh...her brother told me?" "If my arm wasn't broken, I'd have to beat you down for cheating on your fiancee." "I ain't had sex with no one!" Ranma said. "Even if Haruka and I came pretty close." Damn my mouth, he thought. "You and...HARUKA?" Grandpa asked in shock. "You and..." Genma nosebled. "My son is...no, it can't be! You can't possibly have..." "Uh yeah, you just imagined that," Ranma said. "I really said that I came close to seeing 'When Harry met Sally', but then decided not to go." Genma looked relieved. Grandpa, on the other hand, had multiple functional brain cells. "Boy, I'm not that stupid. How could you possibly betray your fiancee like that?" "Hey, SHE had a menagerie trough with Usagi and Naru!" "I did not have a..." Rei began. A what? "I'm a VIRGIN!" "So, you two WERE about to kiss!" Grandpa said. "Ranma, this is your fault! You two should be married and having mad passionate sex by now!" Geez, whatever happened to parents wanting their kids to not have sex, Ranma wondered. "You gotta be crazy! I ain't marrying nobody!" Ukyou walked in. "What's everyone screaming about?" "He won't put out, so Rei has turned to Usagi in her desperation," Genma said. "Woe is me for having a frigid son." "FRIGID? Hey, I've got a normal body temperature!" Ranma proclaimed. "Of course he doesn't put out for just anyone!" Ukyou said. "He's my fiancee, so he's saving himself for when we can be married!" Haruka walked in. "Hey, Ranma, Rei, you two ready to go have our last practice before the big match tomorrow?" Genma whirled. "Did you have sex with Ranma?" "He was pretty good," Haruka said. "We didn't get to finish, though." Smoke came out of Genma's ears, while Grandpa simply fainted. "You HAD SEX WITH MY SON?" "He turned into a girl first," Haruka said. "I'd never sleep with a man, but his girl body was good enough for me." Genma staggered. "He...he..." "But his virginity was saved by a stuck zipper. A pity." Genma grabbed Ranma and shook him. "HOW COULD YOU?" "It was a love potion!" Genma paused and looked thoughtful. "Where did you get it?" "There was this ninja girl who's related to Naoko!" Ranma said. "It was her fault." Genma let go of her. "Hmm. I'll have to think on this. Have fun at your practice." Once they got out the door, Ranma said, "So how dead do you think we are?" "Very," Rei said. ******************* After the practice, Ranma-chan was in the process of bathing when the door opened. She sighed. "Usagi, go away." "Boy, I'm not Usagi," Genma said. Ranma-chan relaxed. "Hi, Pop." She finished scrubbing her right leg. "You gonna come watch them skate tomorrow?" "Are you gay, boy?" "NO! I only like girls!" "I'm not seeing much evidence of that. Any hot blooded boy in your situation should be sleeping with one of them by now. Or is Haruka your type?" "Haruka's a girl, you idiot! And I'm trying to be honorable! If I sleep with one of 'em, I either got to pick that one or sleep with all of them!" "If you wait too long, Usagi's going to make off with Rei." Genma reached for a bucket, then frowned. "If I actually bathe, I can't talk." "Sounds good to me." Ranma-chan doused Genma. She finished scrubbing, rinsed herself off and got in the hot water. A few minutes later, the panda joined her and became Genma again. "Boy, if you showed that much discipline in your art, you'd be the best in Japan right now." "I ain't gonna let you push me into marrying nobody." "So, you are..." "I ain't gay! Besides, you ain't had sex in ten years, and it don't mean you're gay, does it?" Ranma pointed at his father. "Ha! Got you!" "I was being faithful to your mother. If I'd known she'd dumped me, I'd have been quite the player," he said. "Yeah, like women want some bald fat guy," Ranma snapped. "Mom must have been insane to..." He got a punch to the head. "You will NOT badmouth your mother!" Genma roared. "You can insult me all you want, you will no matter what I do, but you will NOT insult Nodoka!" Ranma barely felt the blow, but he sagged back and looked surprised. "Geez, I didn't really mean she was insane. I was just...Pop?" Genma's eyes were closed, and his mouth was screwed shut. His fists kept clenching and unclenching. Ranma said, "Hey, Pop, what's wrong?" "I only did it because I didn't want her to get hurt," Genma muttered. "I could wait for her...why couldn't she wait for me?" Ranma tried to decide if he should stay or go or say something. "Boy, do you hate me?" "If I hated you, Pop, I'd be gone," Ranma said nervously. "Sometimes you're stupid and need a kick in the head, but...you're my Pop. You're all the family I've got. I get mad sometimes, but so do you." "I know," he said, sighing. "Don't make a woman wait too long, son. It's the worst thing you can ever do with a woman. She can forgive you forgetting things or screwing up, but don't make her wait for you to make up your mind. Or she'll make up hers." Ranma got up out of the tub. "I ain't ready for marriage." "No one is EVER really ready for marriage." Ranma wrapped a towel around himself. "Goodnight, Dad." "Goodnight, Son. Make sure you don't leave the door open." He nodded and headed out. Usagi, Rei, and Ukyou were milling about in towels, ready to bathe. "Finally!" Rei said. The girls streamed in and Ranma walked on, only to be hit by a feeling of immanent disaster. The screaming started a few seconds later. Ten seconds later, Genma fled by, a hail of bathing products hurrying him on his way. "Yep. Never make a woman wait too long," Ranma muttered to himself. **************** Rei had to admit that having her own cheering section felt good, even though Mikado and Makoto's cheering section made hers look tiny by comparison. She looked up at her friends, who were all waving and cheering, then smiled and turned to Haruka. "Ready?" "Ready as I'll ever be," Haruka said. She was dressed in a white suit with a yellow bow tie; Rei wore a tight red dress with a high neckline and a short skirt. Haruka paused to admire Rei's legs. She took Rei's left hand in her right hand. "Time to rumble." The referee, a cheerful blond fellow with a name tag that read 'H. Brinker', said, "Okay, I want a clean fight! No groin-pulling, no electrifying the ice, no use of giant magnets, no raspberry jello, no stuffing live animals down someone's underwear, no use of firearms, and NO hitting me in the head with a folding chair so you can cheat." Mikado frowned. "First couple to lose contact with each other loses the match. First couple to pass out loses also. First couple to use deadly force loses. First couple to hit me with anything AT ALL loses. First couple to leave the rink loses. First couple to invade Russia or China is doomed. Now, let the battle begin!" "Overwhelm your foes / Mikado and Makoto / we all love you lots!" the Golden Pair Fanclub and Poetry Society began to chant. Mikado blew a kiss to his fans, and Makoto blew one to hers, then they turned in unison to face Rei and Haruka. Rei and Haruka, however, were already zooming in on them at high speed. It was not for nothing that they were the Golden Pair, however. By the time Rei and Haruka actually reached them, they had slid over to one side, and Mikado had begun to spin with Makoto outstretched from their arms. Her feet came around and slammed into Haruka's back, sending Haruka sprawling with Rei. They got to their feet and dodged just barely in time to avoid Mikado and Makoto's second attack run. As they tried to get space to build momentum for their own second attack, Mikado and Makoto turned swiftly and gave chase. The wall began to close in. "Left," Haruka whispered. They just barely made the turn, and in the process, Rei had to let Haruka effectively drag her airborne and fold in her legs to avoid a collision with the wall. The Golden Pair turned smoothly, and gained on them, effectively having the inside track with Rei and Haruka gliding along the wall. "Think you can handle a reverse?" Haruka asked. "Do we have a choice?" "You could just give up and let me kiss you!" Mikado announced, then Makoto elbowed him. "We're not here so you can kiss her!" "We aren't? Why else do this?" "Umm..." Makoto frowned. While they talked, Haruka lifted Rei, leaped into the air, and tried to land so she would be skating backwards. Sadly, while Haruka was a skillful athelete, skating had never been her strong point. Landing poorly, she toppled and rolled, briefly stunned. By the time she snapped out of it, two hands had grabbed her ankles. She felt herself being lifted into the air, so she gripped Rei's hands as firmly as she could. By the time she figured out what was going on. Mikado was holding Makoto's legs and beginning to spin. Makoto was holding Haruka by the legs, with the result that Haruka and Rei were being spun like a propeller. "That looks pretty bad," Usagi said. "It is pretty bad," Naoko said. "It's the Couple Cleaver," Ryo said. "Haruka can't possibly hold onto Rei with that much centrifugal force at work. Or is it centripetal? Anyway, sooner or later the man inevitably loses his grip, and then they lose and usually the woman gets rather mad at him." "Hey, Ranchan, don't you think he'll drill a...Ranchan?" Ukyou asked. Ranma was gone, along with Setsuna. "Where'd Ranchan go?" "Boy said he had to go to the bathroom." Naoko looked over at Ukyou. "Five will get you ten that he's gonna try and interfere." "Go, boy, go! Save your fiancee!" Genma shouted. Grandpa threw a folding chair at the referee, who deftly caught it, spun on one skate, and hurled it back at him, knocking him out. "Does this mean we can cheat?" Ukyou asked Usagi. "Not until Genma passes out," Usagi replied. "Don't even THINK about it," Genma replied. Shampoo dropped the folding chair she was holding and tried to look innocent. Haruka tried to think of a way out of the situation, but none of them sounded very appealing. She couldn't let go of Rei, who looked terrified, and she had no way to break Makoto's grip. For that matter, if she did break the grip, she and Rei would go flying, likely into something painful. I can't even spit at them, she thought. "It looks like another easy victory for the Golden Pair," the rink announcer said. "No...wait! The zamboni's gone out of control! It's on the rink and heading right for Mikado! This is definitely going to leave a mark!" Referee Brinker frowned and skated towards it. "Alright, who did this? This is definitely cheating!" He managed to intercept it and jumped into the driver's seat, then turned and started heading for the edge of the rink with it. While he was busy with this, Ranma and Setsuna erupted onto the rink, heading for Mikado at high speed. "Oh man, they're going to tag off or something!" Ukyou said. "Isn't that cheating?" "Ranma think like Amazon. Shampoo approve of him for once," Shampoo said. "It only cheating if referee notices." Gosunkugi tried to ask Ami something, then failed. He tried again, and this time vague incoherent noises came out. Tsubasa rapped his back. "You're not choking are you?" "No, I'm fine," Gosunkugi said. "I just..." Words failed again. "Ahh," Tsubasa said knowingly. Ranma and Setsuna were just about to clothesline Mikado when Referee Brinker turned and tossed a gas grenade in front of them. It went off, and the mini-tornado created by the spinning skaters blew it in their faces. They both went down coughing and choking, failing to knock down Mikado, or even make it to him as they swerved, then fell down. "NO CHEATING!" Brinker shouted as he parked the Zamboni. An idea suddenly struck Haruka. She looked 'down' at Makoto. "Hey, Makoto." "Yes?" "You do know I'm a woman, didn't you?" Makoto's eyes widened. "You...you're a WOMAN?" "Yep." "I kissed a woman?" "Yep." "I KISSED A WOMAN! Now I can never be married! AAAAAA!!!!!!!!" Makoto lost her grip on Haruka's legs as she clamped her hands to her cheeks. The Mikado Fan Club and Ladies' Anarchist Sewing Circle scattered in all directions as Haruka and Rei went flying in their direction. Chairs snapped, and Haruka and Rei had to dig their way out of the wreckage. They hurt tremendously, and Haruka could hardly believe they hadn't broken half their bones, but they still held each other's hands. "We're not out of...ooooowwwww," Haruka said. "Leaving the rink is a defeat," Brinker said. "Victory goes to the Golden Pair!" "Looks like it's time for young Rei Hino to hand over her lips to Mikado. Looks like he has only eighty five more lips to go after this one to hit his goal of a thousand." The rink announcer shook his head. "But they did survive the couple cleaver, so Rei and her boyfriend get at least a symbolic victory out of this." "That's GIRLFRIEND!" Haruka shouted towards the announcer booth. "Hey! I am not your girlfriend!" Rei shouted. Mikado stood up and opened his arms wide. "Come to me, oh lovely one! I will now consent to claim a kiss from you!" Rei frowned. "Oh just great. Why'd you let us go out of the rink?" "Oh, like I could change the laws of physics!" Haruka snapped back. "Anyway, we're stuck. He can't make you do it, but...everyone will know you welched on a bet." "The bet was your idea!" "Well, I'd go down and take the kiss for you, but that's not the deal, unfortunately." Rei made her way onto the rink while Brinker struggled to hold Ranma back from attacking Mikado, and Setsuna tried to keep him from attacking Brinker. Haruka skated after her. Rei finally felt her own sweat, which was running down her face. At least this won't be my first kiss, she told herself. I got to kiss someone a lot better than this monkey. Time seemed to slow down; it was taking forever to reach him. "It looks like another kiss racked up for...wait...there's a panda entering the ring! And the referee is too busy with Saotome to stop it!" Mikado closed his eyes and stuck out his lips. The panda blurred by, lifting Makoto. "Growf!" he announced. "Hey! Leggo!" she pounded futilely on him. "Mikado, help me!" "I'm about to kiss someone," he said, eyes still closed. "Be with you in a minute!" The panda held up a sign. "Oh man, he must be in heat!" Usagi announced. "We have to stop him, big sister!" She vaulted over the railing into the rink, followed by Shampoo. "Looks like the Amazons are entering the rink. And the Panda's in trouble, because now the Makoto Fan Club and Hockey Team is suiting up and charging onto the ice! Looks like someone will be having panda steaks tonight!" The announcer grinned. "GGGGRROOOOWWWFFF!!!" Genma-Panda skated for his life. "We've got to save Mr. Saotome!" Tsubasa announced. "Everyone onto the rink!" "No we don't," Ukyou said. "Unfortunately, I think he's right," Ami said. "Just listen to them." "o/~ Pandas must die o/~," the hockey players sung. "EVERYBODY RUMBLE!!!!!" the announcer shouted excitedly. It had been only barely possible for the Mikado Fan Club and Ladies' Anarchist Sewing Circle to control their jealousy that Rei was about to kiss their beloved Mikado. They now threw caution to the wind, and purling rods in hand, erupted onto the rink, charging towards Mikado and Rei, who was close to finishing her death march. "HIS LIPS ARE OURS ALONE!" they shouted. "Time for us to exit stage right," Haruka said, lifing Rei and skating to put Mikado, eyes still closed, between them and the MFCALASC. As she fled, the MFCALASC crashed into Mikado, his eyes still closed, and trampled over him. Usagi parried a cross-check from a passing hockey player, then beat down two more hockey players by skating between them and letting them knock each other out. She paused to swish a handy puck into the middle of five more, who started fighting over it. "Where'd you get that puck, big sister?" "Don't ask," Shampoo replied, then bodyblocked another hockey enthusiast, taking his stick. "YA!!!!!" She sped up, swinging swiftly and adeptly, clearing a path for Usagi through the rioting masses. Ranma broke loose and went after Haruka with Setsuna as Brinker tried futilely to restore order. Setsuna disarmed a hockey player as they passed, then began laying about with it, sending Sewing Circle members airborne. "Not my staff, but it'll have to do," she said. "Banzai!" shouted Ken as he lead the would-be rescue brigade onto the ice, hockey stick in hand. "Don't worry, Rei, we'll save you!" But who's going to save us? Gosunkugi asked himself, not sure why he hadn't stayed in the stands. "Hand off!" Haruka shouted, tossing Rei back to Ranma, who caught her, then turning to dodge the upcoming wall with ease. Many Sewing Circle folk were not so adept and smacked into it. Ranma nearly went down, but held onto Rei successfully. "Setsuna, clear a path!" Purling rods, knitting needles, thimbles, and thread went everywhere as Setsuna began sending Mikado's fangirls back to Home Ec. "Head! Nose! Elbow! Butt!" "You shouldn't have tried to cheat," Rei said. "We didn't NEED you to butt in." "Hey, it wasn't ME who made the girl drop Haruka! And you ought to be grateful I'm saving your ass right now! These knitters want you dead!" Mikado suddenly rose in their path and matched them, skating backwards as they advanced. "I have come to claim my rightful prize!" "No way!" Ranma said. "You want a kiss?" Rei asked. "YES!" "Any kiss?" "You can kiss me however you like!" She blew him a kiss. "There you go." "Hey!" "You want another kiss?" "YES!" She grabbed him and tossed him to the Sewing Circle fanatics. "They'll be happy to help you!" Mikado vanished in a sea of yarn and lace doilies. Across the rink, Shampoo and Usagi reached Genma- panda about the same time as Ken and company did. "We'll cover you while you get him out of here!" Ken announced. "You're crazy!" Tsubasa said, wobbling. "We can't fight all those hockey players!" Ami nearly took a puck to the head, but barely dodged it. "I'm afraid he's right." Gosunkugi frowned deeply. They'd dared to try to hurt Mizuno-san! "You...you...That was bad!" he shook a finger at them. This was roughly as effective as trying to stop a pro football offensive line by throwing a My Little Pony at it. "Now you've made me mad!" This was about as terrifying as if Teddy Ruxpin announced it, followed by 'Flip Tape Over'. They all laughed at him, but the leading hockey player laughed so hard he fell down, causing most of those behind to crash into him and fall down. "Much better," Ukyou said. "You owe me, old man!" she skated into the midst of the remaining hockey players, knocking sticks aside with powerful strokes and following up by smacking them in the back and tossing them aside as she went by. The Scooby Gang^H^H^H^H^H^H^HSenshi and allies came together and headed for the edge of the rink, leaving the riot behind them. Rei said, "I had a backup plan." "What?" Ranma asked. She held out a role of duct tape. "This was for his mouth." "Oh, like that would...mprhso!" She laughed. "You were saying?" "Mrkle grwpm smpho!" He ripped off the tape. "Geez! That hurt!" "Want me to kiss it and make it better?" He turned beet red. "With everyone watching?" "You'd rather I kiss you, right?" Setsuna asked. "Maybe he wants Ken to kiss him," Haruka suggested. In unison, Ken and Ranma shouted, "NO!" "I'll kiss you if he won't, Rei!" Ken suggested. "Ranma should kiss me!" Usagi said. "I ain't kissing nobody!" "You could just kiss everyone and get it over with," Naoko faintly suggested. "He's not my type," Tsubasa said. "I am not a kissing machine!" Ranma said. He reached the edge of the rink and put Rei down. "And I ain't never gonna kiss nobody with everyone watching." While they bickered, Haruka went over to Makoto, who Genma-Panda had put down. "You okay?" "This your panda?" "Ranma's panda," Haruka said. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" "No," she said. "Just my dignity. So you're a woman?" Haruka nodded. "Damn. I was hoping maybe I could...I'm getting to where I just can't stand having him as a partner anymore, but..." She sighed. "Why do all the good guys turn out to be girls?" Haruka blinked. "This happens to you often?" "Three times." She looked over at the yelling knot of people. "What exactly is going on with them?" "They all either want to marry Ranma or date someone who wants to marry Ranma or they haven't quite mastered 'getting out of the riot'." "But why do they all want to marry him? He is kinda cute, but...he's not that cute." "Hereditary insanity, I think." "I HEARD THAT!" ************* Genma said to Grandpa, "Well, I think this helped advance Ranma and Rei's relationship." "You really think so?" "No, I'm lying to make myself feel good." "I thought so." Grandpa got a Zima out of the fridge. "You want one?" "I said I'm trying to make myself feel good, not sick." "To each their own." "Maybe if we get so drunk we fall down, we'll come up with a good plan," Grandpa surmised, taking a swig of Zima. "You really think so?" "No, but I feel like getting drunk and falling down." "Hmm, I think I'll just go make Ranma fall down." "Children cause stress, but they can be great for stress relief too." ************* "Hey, Ranchan, whatcha thinking about?" Ukyou asked much later when she found Ranma lying in the courtyard, looking up at the stars. "Hey, Ucchan, do women every call each other gay?" "..." "Do they?" She sat down by him. "Not generally. If you suspect it, you don't usually bring it up as an insult or whatever. Not like men do, anyway. Why are you wondering?" "Dunno." "Did some woman ask you if you were gay or something?" "What would you do in my position?" Ranma asked her. "Look at the stars." she laughed. "Har de har har. I mean...I ain't gay 'cause I haven't...you know...with one of you, am I?" "Of course not," Ukyou said. "It means you're indecisive, not gay. You'd be taking Tsubasa off my hands if you were gay." "He doesn't...like me...does he?" Ranma asked nervously. "No, he's after me. Ken was kind enough to drag him back to Blue Sky for me." "I just don't want to have to marry nobody," Ranma said. "It ain't like I don't like girls or nothing. I do, but I'm too young to get married." "Okay, let's just date a while first, then," Ukyou said. "I'm not sure if we're actually old enough to legally marry, anyway." "..." She stood up. "I'm worn out from beating up hockey players. Goodnight, Ranchan." "Goodnight, Ucchan," he said, and turned back to the stars as she left. "See ya then." I'm surprised she changed her mind so easily, he thought. But I won't complain. I'll knock his socks off, Ukyou thought. My big mistake was pushing him too hard; I was using a jackhammer to drive nails. But now I know what to do. I can do subtle. I hope. *********** Ami soaked in the bathtub, reading a book while P-chan lurked up on the sink. She looked up at him and smiled. "Just a little longer, Ptolmey-chan. Sorry to make you wait, but this hot water just feels soooo good." She wiggled a bit and he had a tiny nosebleed she didn't notice. "Just ten more pages, and I'll get out." P-chan didn't mind; he liked spending time with Ami. No one had ever been so kind to him in his life. I wonder if this is love, he thought. It must be. If only I could figure out where I left my clothes so I could try to woo her with my real self... *********** Rei looked up as Ranma-chan came in. "My legs hurt," she announced. "Combat skating does that," Ranma-chan replied, getting into her futon. "You and Haruka did better than I expected." "Gee, thanks," Rei said, her voice edged with venom. "Glad to see I exceded your expectations." "Geez, I was trying to complement you!" Ranma-chan asserted. "You mighta even come back and beat them if you hadn't gotten thrown out of the ring." "If you'd really believed in me, you wouldn't have tried to cheat." "Hey, I was trying to help!" "I didn't need help!" Rei glared at Ranma-chan. "You were up against professionals, and you were an amateur!" "I can skate better than you!" "But can you skate better than Makoto? That's who you had to beat, not me." Rei frowned and folded her arms. "I could have..." She sighed. "You and Setsuna were working pretty closely together." "Geez, what's with you?" Ranma-chan asked. "I ain't bitching 'cause you spent all that time with Haruka." "We're both girls." "That's just what Haruka likes, though." Rei blushed. "I mean, it's not like..." "We were TRYING to help you!" Ranma-chan snapped. "We didn't do nothing funny. I ain't done nothing with no one!" Rei took a deep breath, then let it out. "You're right. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm just aggravated with how it all came out. When you go through intense training like that, you're supposed to win." Ranma-chan nodded. "Well, it only really works when you and your opponent are close, and then he learns some new trick that gives him an edge. Then you can learn the counter through intense training, come back, and stomp him. It don't work so well when your foe is years ahead of you." "Like the way Jadeite nearly killed us all." "Exactly. Perfect example. We both had to get our past selves to save our butts. Setsuna lost her staff. If he'd fought a little smarter, we'd probably all be dead. I dunno how we managed to beat Zoicite AND Kunzite at once." "Caught them off guard, I think." Rei yawned. "Goodnight, Ranma." "G'nite, Rei." *********** "He seems to have finally given up on the child," Zoicite reported. "Did you blow up a prison?" Kunzite asked. "No, I just made a mess to break out the youma who helped me set up some trouble for Nephrite." "Did you ever find out what the rabbit was for?" Zoicite shook his head. "Not yet. However, I did come up with a good idea for a way to collect energy." "Hmm? That's not really our job right now. Unless this leads us to the Moon Princess..." "Hmm. Can you remember what sort of flowers she liked?" "No." "I've bribed one of his youma to leak information to me, so we'll at least be up on what Nephrite is doing." "Good, good," Kunzite said. "Now, tell me what you think of this plan..." ************* "And Zoicite is trying to bribe me to spy on Nephrite," Emerald said to Queen Beryl. "Feed him some accurate information, but not too much," Beryl said. "If you go silent, he'll just find another, but this could prove useful, if the rivalries get out of hand." "Zoicite can't plot his way out of a wet paper sack," Emerald proclaimed. "On the other hand, Nephrite does seem to be doing his best to do his job. Although when being defeated by one senshi and a carload of cats is your best..." "Good. Return to your duties." Emerald frowned, started to speak, fell silent, then bowed. "Yes, my Queen." She vanished without fanfare. The continued awakening of the dead did not bode well; Beryl was not pleased to know another Sailor had returned. At least Saturn has yet to appear, she thought. Although properly handled, Saturn could be useful to me. But first, I must have the crystal, or all will go ill. This loner streak of Nephrite's will likely be the death of him. Perhaps I should move him to finding the Moon Princesss and assign Zoicite and Kunzite, who know how to actually work with people, to do the job. He has not failed so much I can afford to dispose of him, yet, if I remove him, he will work to sabotage them as they now try to sabotage him. A pretty dilemna.