-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What has gone before: Ranma went with the Katsuragi Expedition to Antarctica and met a 14 year old Misato. The Angel spoke to him, transporting him back to Japan for an undisclosed purpose. The time is 2015, the place is Tokyo-3 and the Angels are attacking. Ranma has been sent as Asuka's guardian and has replaced Misato as Chief of Tactical Operations. ---Title--- Evangelical History Chapter 4 A Ranma/Evangelion crossover By Dr. Suekeiichi Kaiton ---Fujisawa's 24 hour liquor store, seven in the evening--- "Bwah ha ha ha ha! C'mon in Capt. Katsuragi! How's my best customer been lately?" A tall man with a ragged mop of black hair and unshaven face greeted her from the door. "You haven't been in for Yebisu for two weeks! I was getting' worried ya know!" "I'm fine Mr. Fujisawa, I just had some work to do." Misato was dressed in her red captain's jacket, sleeve straps undone, practically salivating at the sheer expanse of alcohol before her. "Do you have my cases in?" Shinji stood embarrassed beside her. "Sure, sure I've got 'em! Why Capt. Katsuragi I've been able to expand the store, buy a new house _and_ a new car because of your business! Have a free case of gin on the house!" The man chortled insanely for a little while longer, then burst into laughter when Misato brought her order up to the counter. "What're ya planning ta do with all this? Kill the rest of the world by alcohol poisoning?" He laughed again at his own joke. "Nope. Just a little party for a few co-workers." She failed to mention that all her friends drank like fish. "I'll also need chips, tako-yaki, margarita salt, and some of those little red cherries..." "Maraschino cherries." Shinji looked around with jaw agape, it would take ten strong men to even lift a third of her order. Here was God's plenty alright: three bottles of gin, two bottles of scotch, two whiskey, five bottles of brandy, three casks of inexpensive sake, twelve cases of Yebisu, one case of an as of yet undisclosed German lager, and two bottles of vodka. The store-owner grinned from ear to ear as he began ringing her colossal order up. "The total, minus the free cases of Yebisu and your own thirty percent discount comes to..." Shinji fainted dead away as the owner finished his sentence, never in all his life would he see so much money change hands at once. A suitcase of money was handed to the man behind the counter; grinning eagerly, the man shoved the case underneath the counter and gave Misato her receipt. Promising the order would be delivered in thirty minutes or her order was free, the store-keeper waved goodbye to his favorite customer/cash cow. Hell, he could afford the shipping fee and her large discount, with the amount of business she gave him every week he could afford to be generous. Besides, it might convince her to buy more. The owner secretly giggled at the prospect. Outside, Shinji was far from a giggling mood. Struggling to keep three overstuffed bags worth of octopus puffs, chips and several pounds of colored salt was quite a task for a ninety-pound weakling. Add to that the prospect of driving home with all the snacks with Misato behind the wheel and it was enough to contemplate the futility of life. At least she'd let him rent a movie to watch with Rei and Asuka during the party. [Hmm...Rise of the DEAD? Looks good...handsome zombie killing hero named Ranma saves damsels in distress from flesh eating ghouls and government conspiracies...] ---Tri-Gan Apartments, number 102, eight at night--- Misato slid open the bathroom doors and swung into the kitchen, steam rising from her damp hair. A yellow towel was draped across her shoulders as Shinji sulked at the table, embarrassed by his guardian's modesty, or lack there of. The alcohol had arrived right on schedule, a complementary ice-chest included by the owner, it currently sat next to the first ice-chest, plugged into the wall and cooling those sacred bottles of fermented ambrosia. Shinji thought his roommate's preoccupation with liquor was sort of funny in the beginning, now with three 'complementary' refrigerators aside from her own stocked-up liquor cabinet meant the hobby was now an obsession. "Misato-san? Is it really necessary to have _this_ much alcohol at once?" She gave him a flat eyed stare, a nervous twitch developing on her left eye. Images of the bridge crew finding his strangled body preserved in a vat of liquor came into his mind for no reason whatsoever, well, that and the overwhelming feeling he may have hit a nerve. "What are you saying Shinji-_kun_?" Are you saying I'm going to lose this bet? Are you saying you want to see your kind, friendly, _non_violent guardian to strip naked and dance around for the amusement of the entirety of the bridge crew? To be heckled and taunted for the rest of her days because I lost one bet!? Is that what you're saying?" Shinji backed into a corner, looking vainly for an escape route, a baseball bat, or a club, anything to stave off his murderous guardian. "What bet? W-what are you talking about?" "I bet Ranma told everyone about it! That slime-sucking baka!" She posed dramatically in front of the sink, fist held high in the air, still clad only in a skintight sports bra and short shorts. "Shinji! You and I will prevail over that drunken fool!" Shinji sweatdropped before falling to the floor as Pen-Pen opened his refrigerator door. "He has the nerve to take over my job, convert Ritsu and Maya, _and_ flaunt his nice ass around me! I'll drink him bottle for bottle, shot for shot, swig for swig, and see him bare-ass naked before the night is through!" Shinji recovered enough to hear his guardian's final phrase, before fainting again at the idea. It seemed Misato let more and more things slip these past few days. "Um...Misato? He really didn't take your job, he's just higher than you in terms of rank. You're still allowed on the bridge and everything." He shivered as she turned to him, eyes flaming with the napalm of envy. "Uh...that is to say, Ranma isn't really so bad, it's not like he wanted your job, father just gave it to him." It would be a startling transformation for anyone other than Misato, for at that moment her grimace turned to a smile, her slit-like eyes turning into little pink hearts. "Your right, Shinji. Ranma is my superior and more importantly my friend, he wouldn't willingly hurt me." [After all, he could've taken advantage of me last night but he just left me alone.] Her thoughts replayed the surveillance camera tapes of his apartment last night. He'd had them installed to keep Asuka out of his bedroom. "Of course that doesn't mean I still won't drink him under the table." Shinji sighed at the futility of it all before being dragged to the cooler by a giddy Misato. Rubbing her hands together and grinning in an almost obscene way, she lifted the door from the hinge, listening to the crackle of the thin layer of frost over the walls and bottom of the refrigerator. Inside were the cases of Yebisu and the German lager she'd apparently bought for no good reason. "Look at this Shinji, this is quite possibly the strongest beer made in the world today, I can't even drink more than three cans before passing out." This said a lot as Misato could consume more than a case of Yebisu during the day, augmented by gin, water, soda and coffee. "When Ranma and I start drinking, you give him the German lager while I drink the Yebisu. I'll win the bet before long and watch as Ranma is laughed out of NERV by the bridge crew!" "So you're great plan is to cheat?!? Isn't that kinda...dishonest?" Shinji closed the cooler and returned to the never-ending task of crushing twenty pounds of ice. "All's fair in love and war, Shinji. Besides, I looked up his records-well, what I could find-and found that he drinks a lot too." Shinji began thinking that Misato had found her soul-mate but derailed that line of thinking as the doorbell rang. "Will you get that Shinji? I have to get the rest of the ice." Walking to the door, Shinji visibly shuddered, turning slowly to see Misato laying two more blocks of ice on the counter. [I hope it's Ranma, I need some help crushing all this ice!] "Who is it?" "Hi, Shinji! Is Asuka around?" Hikari Horaki poked her head in through the door, her brown hair swaying with the breeze outside. "I tried to get her at the apartment but there's no answer, do you know where she's gone?" "No, she's supposed to be coming over here soon. Why don't you just stay here and wait? I could use some help crushing this ice." Shinji let her in, shocked to see the class representative in anything other than her school uniform, in it's stead she wore a yellow blouse with a pair of slacks. She'd seem out of place anyway with her school clothes on. "Well she actually invited me to come anyway to see this knockout guardian of hers," She frowned slightly as she thought of the great age difference, "I really don't see what the fuss is all about." "You will, you will. Ranma's anything but what you expect." He heard Misato scream from the kitchen. "Shinji! Get y'er butt in here and help crush this ice!" Sighing, he dragged Hikari with him as the doorbell rang once more. "Ritsuko? Kaji? Ranma? Asuka? Rei? Anybody there?" The balcony was empty. Whoever had rung the bell was long gone. Only a pleasantly warm evening for Tokyo-3 greeted him at the door. Suddenly he heard a knock at the apartment's balcony door. Ranma slipped inside from the night with Asuka tucked snugly under an arm, feeling slightly guilty at playing such a sneaky trick on Shinji. As the bewildered boy stood scratching his head in the doorway, Ranma snickered as Asuka jumped on his back, drawing such a scream that Misato came storming out of the kitchen with an unopened can of beer pulled back in one hand. "What's going on here?!? Shinji? Asuka? Ranma?" She noticed Ranma laughing as Asuka playfully jabbed at Shinji, whose browbeating experience for the night was far from over. "So you finally came?" Ranma turned serious as he felt the competitive aura spring up around the room. "Yeah, I did. You don't know what you're getting yourself into do you?" "I know that you had a reputation in NERV's German branch as a heavy drinker," she replied matter-of-factly, "but I'll still win this bet and see you humiliate yourself!" She tossed the can of Yebisu to him, a haughty smirk cracking across her otherwise beautiful face. "I seem to recall several incidents of "drunken behavior on duty" marring your service profile Misato-chan. Three cases of slurred speech, two incidents where you collapsed and had to be taken to the infirmary, and one gross mistake of smashing into the Commander's car while driving under the influence; all of these incidents show that you cannot hold your liquor." The smirk fell off her face as easily as butter slides off a hot griddle. Ranma chugged the can and tossed it back to her, his unspoken challenge hanging in the air. Outside a car skidded to a halt, disgorging its two occupants onto the sidewalk. Misato growled at her opponents before retreating to the kitchen to do battle with the massive ice blocks melting on her counters. Shinji wisely avoided Asuka until Rei could come, deciding that she would be far too dangerous without backup. Back down on the cool street, the two occupants of the aforementioned car began the slow trek up the stairs to Misato's apartment. Halfway up the hard concrete, they encountered the you pilot of EVA Unit 00, Rei Ayanami, and continued up the stairs. As their heads crested the balcony, one could see clearly now that the two interlopers were none other than Dr. Ritsuko Akagi and her assistant Maya Ibuki. The pair gestured to Rei, who leaned forward to ring the bell just as Misato's head burst from the door. "Where the hell have you been?!? I've been waiting for an hour! We need you to judge!" Her purple mane fell in a loose ponytail down her back, a cascading waterfall of plum, a sight Ranma felt strangely beautiful. "You're the only one I can count on to stay sober the whole night!" "I've only been here for two minutes and you already want to start?" Ranma came from the kitchen in full view, dragging Asuka along behind him. The only reason he hadn't pushed her away so far was the little matter of her previous reaction to finding a naked Vice-Tactical Operations officer draped over his bed. ---Flashback--- Asuka, rarely a morning person, trudged out of her room and stumbled into the kitchen, dodging Ranma's kata on the way. It was their typical morning routine: he would perform katas in the livingroom while she would make the coffee in the morning. Switching the coffeemaker on, she yawned and wandered off to the bathroom, leading her straight down to Ranma's open door. Asuka's hand grasped the handle, her other scratching an idle itch in the small of her back, and randomly gazed into his room. Or rather at a naked woman tossing around in the linens. The nude woman lay on her back with her feet pointing directly at Asuka, and that view combined with an itch in an inappropriate place and the corresponding motion of the strange woman's hand; seemed mocking to the red-haired girl. Snapping the plastic handle off the sliding door, her eyes glazed over red and she stamped off for divine retribution. "RANMA!!! Where are you!?!" She stormed right up to his face, his punches barely missing her body as he blithely continued his kata with her in the centre of his motions. "How could you take this...this...this WHORE into your bed!?!" She defiantly shot a finger towards his room, where the woman was once more cuddled up to his pillows. "I thought you were different from other men but it seems you're just interested in one thing, the thing dangling between your legs!!!" She grabbed his arm and screamed as the arm shot back towards his body as his other hand tossed her back onto the couch. "Listen Asuka, nothing happened, I found her drunk at the bar last night." "So you just decided to take advantage of her you pig!" "No! She pulled off her clothes herself during the night, I've been sleeping on the couch." He pointed to the light blanket draped over the seat. "Believe me! Nothing happened!" Asuka gave him a flat-eyed stare, crossing her arms under her budding breasts, then tilted her head back and sighed. "Alright, I believe you Ranma." He sighed in relief. "But I haven't forgiven you, so you have to take me out tonight. Dinner, that's it." He sighed again in defeat, muttering a grudging affirmative. "So who is she anyway? She's got a great body." "Capt. Katsuragi." "_Our_ Capt. Katsuragi? Drunk? Naked in your bed?" Somehow she couldn't place the image of her commanding officer, drunk and in the lewd poses she was currently enjoying in Ranma's bed. "It's kinda routine for her, her records show numerous occasions where she was intoxicated on duty, don't let it surprise you." Ranma strolled off into the kitchen. "I asked Shinji to come over, no sense in him cooking for himself, besides, I told him Misato slept here last night." He tied an apron around his waist and fried a few fish, checking to see if the soup and rice were done yet. "The coffee done yet?" Asuka knocked herself on the head for forgetting her duty, and poured him a cup, eagerly eating up his praise and thanks. Although somewhere in her head she knew he was doing it out of guilt. ---End Flashback--- "Uh? Some help here?" Shinji called from the kitchen, trying to wrench Pen-Pen away from the melting blocks of ice. "Misato? Ranma? Asuka?" The group heard Shinji and Hikari using spoons to pry the avian's claws out of the ice, the harsh chipping causing Misato to wince in expectation of the disaster. "I guess _I'll_ be the one to help them." Ranma brushed past Misato, purposefully hitting her shoulder, and patted Rei on the head in greeting. "Hi, Rei. Now! What's this about ice?" Ritsuko dragged Misato aside as Maya introduced herself to the students. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You realize that news of this 'contest' of yours is all over HQ? The parking attendants were talking about it!" Her anger grew as Misato carelessly threw caution to the wind, refusing to back down. "If the commander hears anything about what happens tonight, which I'm sure he will, I'd start writing a letter of resignation." Her blond hair frazzled, Ritsuko followed Ranma into the kitchen for a drink. ---The Tokyo-3 monorail #22--- "So what is the background of the new Major?" "He came from Germany, he's been stationed all over the world overseeing NERV's interests. He has friends in high places, which is the reason for the less-than-adequate amount of data I've compiled this time." Kaji sat opposite an older woman whose face was hidden behind a fashion magazine. The car was empty, the handles over their heads swinging cryptically with the hypnotic jostling of the train. "His friends stopped my inquires." "You getting scared off? I find that rather hard to believe." "Believe it, Saotome may be a friend in the chairman of the Instrumentality committee himself." "Kihl? I doubt it, he never lets anyone close to him." "That's just the thing, Saotome's not normal. I hacked into Dr. Akagi's files and found that Saotome is far beyond the normal human in almost every respect." Kaji gathered his jacket and tie from the seat, seeing as his station was coming up soon. "He could be one of the old Genetics, you know, the kind made before Second Impact. That kind of evidence supports nothing." "True, but he also survived Second Impact without a scratch." "So did half the world." "He was with the Katsuragi Expedition, the unpublicized second survivor. The 'lost' records of GEHIRN list him as a technician but all other documents were changed by SEELE before he made his miraculous appearance." He slipped a black jacket on, making sure to check if the safety was on his handgun. "The 'official' story was that he was carried by air currents and deposited off the coast of Japan, unharmed." "Alright, there may be something of substance here, follow it up." The woman stood up along side him as their stop approached. "The gondola, one in the afternoon. My superiors expect more than this report." "Alright then, one it is, as always it has been a pleasure." "Flattery will get you nowhere in life." ---Misato's bedroom--- Ranma slid the door closed and made sure no recording devices were in the room. He withdrew his laptop from the mountain of coats on her bed, booting up the file marked: 'SUSSERTOD.exe.' The front of the computer slid open to reveal a set of earphones and a thin visor, he pulled a mouthpiece from his jacket. After everything was jacked in, he depressed a small button off to the side. The room disappeared and was replaced with a dark chamber illuminated by lit concentric circles. The chamber was vast and the unnatural quality of the lights blended to give it an eerie cast. At once a monolith labeled 'SEELE 01' appeared. SEELE 01: Why have you kept me waiting? I demand an explanation! "I am at Captain Katsuragi's apartment, I could not separate myself so easily from the group without arousing suspicion." SEELE 01: Your explanation is...acceptable. For now. The seventh has appeared, it will land in Japan in two days. "I remember the plan, don't worry." SEELE 01: When the dust settles and the angels have been defeated, only we two will understand the grandeur of the event. "I understand. I will be prepared." Ranma replaced his equipment and shut his laptop down. He heard Misato's laugh as Shinji and Hikari slipped on the puddles of ice water and skidded out into the livingroom, he cursed his destiny but it seemed for better or worse, he'd do the best he could. ---To be continued--- For those of you wondering where my fanfiction is located then please refer to the following list. Lady Cosmos: http://www.crosswinds.net/~ladycosmos Zaxxon: http://sfcreators.com/Atlantis/FanFic/Other/DrSuekeiichiKaiton/ Hawk: http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/6189/ Phu: http://members.nbci.com/phu_lam The Lost One: http://ranmaxovers.tripod.com The Church of Kasumi and Ranma: http://www.angelfire.com/anime2/KasumiandRanma Tannim: http://home.earthlink.net/~tannim Nighthawk: http://www.geocities.com/nighthawk/hosted.htm As always, C&C, flames to: Suekeiichi Kaiton, Holy Scribe and Second Disciple The Church of Kasumi and Ranma Kaiton@banet.net